Friends First...

Ever been across one of those online ads where the woman rattles off the qualities she's looking for in a guy and just before she's done, she says she wants to be "friends first?" Well, this post actually isn't about online dating, but how that strange phrase totally sums up an important inner game issue that escapes many men: the importance of cultivating male friendships.

Most guys' game and lives get better on some level after joining "the community." Even if the improvement is going to different bars and clubs and being able to open women with canned openers, that's better than staying home and never approaching at all. In addition, they're going to new places and trying new activities, broadening their horizons and handling painful rejections, which in time will build their character. However, the biggest factor in this lifestyle switch is not the learning of routines and rigid seduction rules, but the new friendships made with wings in the community.

Remember the FedEx sign? The "symbol" you may not be seeing is that the closeness of your friendships with other men is directly related to your relationships (or lack thereof) with women. If you need women to be happy, your intense search for validation is likely linked to your isolation or lack of close friendships with other men. Humans are relational creatures. A lack of connection in one area of your life requires that the need be fulfilled more intensely in another.

Women find men who have close friendships with others extremely attractive. They can feel the vibe you have with your wing. A loner with no friends subcommunicates poor social intelligence, which is crucial in your success with women and in life.

Being able to trust and be authentic with your friends gives you the support to face your insecurities and the experience of establishing emotional connections with others. This camaraderie, in turn, gives you more confidence in every area of your life, including in our relations with women. The various seduction lairs, serve this purpose and I recommend everyone serious in improving their relations with women join one and remain active in it. Indeed, the lairs are the single, most positive development of the community as they provide its members with the support they need to reach their full potential.