Every time I am on the verge of making a major life transformation, I find that my biggest obstacles to success are the people who love me the most. At the end of my college career when I finally realized that staying in a mediocre relationship was actually no better than no relationship at all, some of the biggest protesters were my parents who were certain that we’d eventually marry. Their opposition to the breakup is astounding considering they never really liked my then-gf. However, I had been with her for three years and to suddenly be single again would have been a major change for my parents and like most people, they resist change. The next major transformation was when I decided to do everything I can to lose weight. At my heaviest, I was 292 lbs. but I hid it well given my tall height. Every step along the way, my parents kept nagging me about how concerned they were with my weight loss and wondered if I was overdoing it. I persevered and eventually lost over 70 lbs. I have regained 20 of those pounds but much of that gain is in the form of muscle.
Despite the weightloss, I was still a passive, insecure, nerdy nice boy who never had the courage or inner confidence to show any interest in women. Instead, I spent my time trolling online dating sites and going out with women who looked like they crawled out of a sewer somewhere. Even today, when I think of the women I saw back then, I puke in my mouth. Now, I am a socially dominant, confident, successful man and has his pick of many women. I dropped my glasses for contacts, swapped by clean shaven baby face for a more rugged and sexy goatee, and left the Ralph Lauren Polos more suitable for golf than social attire for form-fitting, collared shirts and t-shirts that show off my sexy features. I even sport designer jeans, trendy jackets, and have a strong understanding of men's fashion - all without being a metrosexual weirdo. I feel sexy, I act sexy, and I am sexy. Only recently am I progressing to the stage where I can sleep with women very rapidly, even have one night stands. My current goals for this summer are building consistency (consistently seducing the women I want) and retention (retaining the women I’ve slept with for relationships in line with my values). Sadly, not all my friends are accepting of my goals.
Two of my closest friends in particular mean well and love me, but they are blinded by their own socially conservative morals that prevent them from listening to me or seeing my side of things. Too often, I am being lectured or scolded when all I want is someone to listen to me. One friend of mine is convinced that I’m doing this in some misguided attempt at keeping up with the casual-sex-joneses or something. I hear, “I don't see why you need to sleep with lots of people to feel happy.” Well, I don’t. I’m mature enough to know that happiness cannot be found at the end of a vagina, though amazing physical pleasure can and does. Ultimately, I want what most guys eventually want: an awesome girlfriend (or 2 or 3...depending on the amount of time on my hands). Problem is, the antiquated dating system is broken; it is an expensive, time-consuming venture with no guarantee anything will come out of them since too many women (and men probably) are unsure of what they want and are too meek to be honest and not lead you on. Entire industries are focused on teaching people how to snag that special someone, when the answer isn't to learn how to date better and learn all these manipulative tricks, but to accept and love yourself.
The last time I actually took a woman out was a few months ago during the month of January. I met her and her friends during New Year’s Eve and won her over with my confidence and authenticity. I’m a great judge of character and I told her things about herself that even she probably didn’t know. More important, I enjoyed every minute of it. Each date thereafter was an amazing time. I started feeling connected to her and thought things were going somewhere incredible. She was beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, and lit up the room. Then, to my dismay, she stopped returning my calls. Like a typical, needy wuss-bag, I kept calling or texting, though I somehow kept it limited to once a day or two days. After a week, she finally called me back and told me that she enjoyed her freedom too much to be in a relationship and she LJBFed me. In other words, she whacked me with the dreaded “let’s just be friends” line. I’ll be honest: I was enraged and in pain for a good two weeks…and I didn’t even sleep with her. Still, I charged on, continuing to work on myself and become a better person – which includes learning from these past mistakes.
There’s an old maxim: if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to keep getting what you’ve always gotten. It’s time for a change. My friends and I share the same ends (solid, amazing relationships) but want to achieve them through different means. A quality girlfriend is hard to find, but she's out there and when I find her (or them), I will rock their worlds. Until that day comes, I will continue seducing women and developing casual connections to quench my sexual thirst. I’m a powerful, sexual man and I refuse to apologize or hold back my desires. If I meet a woman I am interested in, I am not going to arbitrarily hold back for some fear of having sex too soon and losing her. I’ve lost women I’ve slept with quickly and I have also lost women I dated for a long time and may not have actually slept with them. The bottom line isn’t the speed of the sex but whether the needs of both parties are satisfied.
Am I a “jaded playa,” as one friend worries? Is this activity “frivolous?” I’m not jaded; I’m focused on achieving my goals. This activity may be frivolous to others, but it’s of tremendous importance to me. Becoming good with women has made me a more emotionally sensitive, powerful, confident, affectionate, and successful man. To stop or reverse course now is nothing short of insane. I am seeing this to the end and when that day comes, I'll hang up my PUA boots and reminisce on the memories.
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