I’ve always said that inner game is the game. Whether you want to call it “being yourself” or possessing true confidence, the underlying idea is the same: an unconditional, unshakable love for yourself – all of yourself, your strengths and your supposed deficits. Without this deeply held love for yourself, you will never have satisfying success with women or in life, regardless of which seduction philosophy you follow. I have met guys who have read every seduction e-book in existence and taken several boot camps, yet they still struggle with approach anxiety. They memorize or create routines that hide their true personalities and insecurities rather than break the ice. They have progressed from being socially isolated nerds to sexually-starved nerds addicted to going to bars and clubs and discussing pickup. While they have more friends, which is clearly an improvement, they are still not actually picking anyone up. Is that progress? Does this sound familiar?
The missing piece is inner game, which cannot be learned from an e-book, audio program, or slick DVD. You cannot wish away approach anxiety with NLP patterns or tapping. While you can open a series of sets until you become “in state,” having to do that every time you’re in public is an incredible burden to take on, making burnout inevitable. And while it feels good for a little while, you cannot gain it by “fucking ten other women.” When you look for happiness at the end of a vagina, you end up like the hole you chase so desperately: empty. I have made all the mistakes laid out above and only point them out to help others become happier. My own self-confidence hits a new plateau every month along with my personal happiness and career success. The next question is obvious: how do you do it? What made the difference for you? Four words: The Authentic Man Program. I am in no way affiliated with them, but I will give credit to a program that very likely saved my life.
Approximately a year ago, I attended the Cliff’s List Convention in Montreal. The week-end featured an impressive, diverse array of PUAs and dating experts which included Travis Decker and Brian Bayer from AuthenticSF. They offered a free, one hour demonstration where their specially-trained women were able to read and articulate my insecurities with such accuracy and candor, I was immediately amazed. Imagine encountering human lie detector tests in padded bras and blonde hair. This wasn't cold reading; it was speaking the truth about me in a way that made my blood run cold! I admit it…I was scared! I haven’t felt that emotionally vulnerable in a long time.
I later signed up for their Authentic Man Program, an inner game boot camp of sorts where you work with other men on the first two days to prepare you for the third and final day. During that time, you do exercises to get you reconnecting again to your emotions and desire. Granted, talking about your feelings hardly is appealing to any guy, yet this process is crucial so you can pinpoint the insecurities that have been holding you back, often outside of your own awareness. After all, if you are unaware of a problem, how can you overcome it? The third day is a different animal as you work with women who push you to the emotional limit. They pull no punches in telling you how you come across during an approach and how the things you do to hide your insecurities merely amplify them.
This program is not for the faint of heart, but I know nothing better or even similar in rebuilding your inner game and taking your relating with women to levels you never thought possible. For my female readers, fear not! There’s a female version of the program called the Authentic Women Experience (AWE).
This past week-end, I returned to San Francisco for a new program AuthenticSF is offering called the Advanced Intimacy Course (AIC). AIC pairs 6 AMP grads with 6 AWE grads to explore how to create intimacy on an incredibly deep and vulnerable level. As expected, this program is even more intense that AMP, as AMP and AWE grads challenged each other to push ourselves emotionally to uncover the issues that are holding us back from true intimacy.
I was particularly impressed with the AWE grads. I had a long conversation with one of them over dinner and I was blown away by how much pain women also suffer in dating and relationships. I always thought they had it easy. I have long been jealous and angry of how a girl could just walk into a bar and take just about any guy home. She doesn’t even have to approach; she just has to look easy. However, there’s more stuff I didn’t even consider before and while I can’t tell you specifics as I swore to confidentiality, let’s just say I have a new empathy for the other side. And it was interesting to see how the same insecurities that plague me often plague people of both genders; they just manifest themselves differently in each person.
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