What If the Rabbit Hole Never Ends?

When I first discovered the community and made the commitment to improve my seduction skills, my goal was to get two dates a month. At the time, I believed learning pickup was like learning how to act: imitate the traits of a confident man and poonani will flow into my bedroom window and inundate my dick with fresh pussy juices and pubic hair. How hard can it be (not my cock, but getting women)? Some of the hottest women I’ve seen spend their mornings complaining at the welfare office with their jobless baby daddies. If the bar is set that low, then a guy with an advanced education and an even more advanced intellectual acumen should run circles around these losers. Well, if that were true, this blog and the community wouldn’t exist.

Fans of The Matrix will remember this famous quote delivered by Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus: “You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” When I choked down that crimson capsule, I truly had no idea how deep and seemingly endless that hole would be. To my surprise, I found that pickup is more like playing one of those "Whack-The-Crocodile" games at the arcade. Just as you conquer one challenge, another one arises, leaving one vulnerable to self-improvement fatigue.

Over the past three years, my evolution has roughly proceeded as follows:

Problem: I was a 300 pound porker. Luckily, because of my height, I carried my weight well and didn't actually look that heavy, but scales don't lie. I changed my diet and lost 80 pounds. It took me a year and a half, but it’s over and the weight's still off, defying the statistics (95% of people regain all the weight back or more within five years). Sweet.

Hmm…new problem: I dressed and acted like an asexual, insecure dork. I got a fashion makeover with some help from a female friend of mine and her metrosexual boyfriend. They were a tremendous help in raising my fashion intelligence and getting me a comfortable look. I also obtained some videos from Pickup 101 and spent a few months studying and understanding body language and kino, though I also picked up some bad, unnatural habits that I had to unlearn. The next step was dropping my glasses for contacts and growing a goatee. Blam! When I sent an updated picture to my female friend who currently lives out of the country, I got the reaction I was looking for: "Bad ass!" "Oh, that pose makes you look sexy!" (Yes, I know I shouldn't be "reaction-seeking," but change doesn't happen overnight!)

Another problem: I was terrified of approaching women. I flew out 3,000 miles twice for the Authentic Man Program and Advanced Intimacy Seminar to build some inner game.Regular readers of my blog know how this story ends. What you may not know is that I work with one of their AMP coaches to this day and she's been instrumental in helping me stay on track.

Yet another problem: I was still not getting laid consistently. I took Vin DiCarlo’s bootcamp and weeded out the dysfunctional behaviors that were messing me up in my interactions. These days, I fuck about 1-2 new women a month. In time, I'll be content when I bump that up to 1-2 women every two weeks. Given that last month, I had two one night stands, back-to-back, and had a few close calls, I am well on my way to achieving that goal.

Current problem: I'm seducing pretty regularly, but my retention rate is poor. In other words, I can fuck 'em, but they don't stick around. This current rut is frustrating to say the least. I'm still undecided whether I'm truly ready for an awesome girlfriend, which means I'm probably not as I don't expect to leave the game anytime soon. Until that day comes, when I meet someone and the sex is good, I want to fuck them over a few months (or more) rather than a few days, if that. Who knows? I may actually grow to like her over time. After consulting this problem with several of my more experienced friends, including the Vin DiCarlo team, the solution lies essentially in being more vulnerable and less flashy around women. As DiCarlo instructor told me, I need to focus more on relating with women than seducing them.

My first instinct is to throw up my hands in despair and go to sleep. These days, I just want to conquer this part of my life and move on. Part of me screams that the last thing I want to do is relate with women. While my female friends and colleagues are women I would fight and die for, the same cannot be said for the women I actually want to fuck. That's just it: I just want to fuck them, have them cook me dinners, and bake me chocolate chip cookies, sort of like a girlfriend-lite. The more I try to understand the chicks I seduce, the less I respect or even like them. Now I'm told that the next step in my evolution is to learn to relate with them. Even worse, I should be more vulnerable with them after so many of them have neglected or hurt me in the past. Can you see why I'm reaching for some Alka-Seltzer right now?

Of course, I remain committed to building my stable of fuck buddies and will do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. I will accept nothing less than absolute victory. If I have to actually relate with women to get my harem, then so be it.

Pickup has become almost obsessive to me. When I was at the bootcamp, we were doing some drill when one of the instructors asked me what I like to do for fun. I couldn't come up with an answer other than wanting to seduce women and socializing with my friends while doing so. Among going to school full-time, working, and this hobby, I don't have time for anything else.

Is it wrong to spend most of the day thinking of ways to get in the pants of women walking and socializing all around you? Most guys just stare and fantasize; I'm not like most guys. I was raised to go out and get what you want because no one else will give it to you or care if you don't have it. I've paid my dues to society. I've spent countless hours of my free time in high school and college helping the community (the less fortunate, not the seduction community) and getting involved in school activities while my cooler peers were out fucking the blonde bimbos, lusty red heads, busty brunettes, and innocent-looking prom queens I dropped endless loads over. It's my time!

Every time I hit the hay, my head swirls with visions of what my life will be like after I succeed: a vast harem complete with big tits, tramp stamps, tongue piercings, cum swapping, threesomes and moresomes, squirting orgasms, black cock worship, and at least one virgin who likes it when I pull her around on my leash. When that happens, I'll be sure to post pictures.