From the Mailbag: Own Your Shadow

Today's post features a question from one of you!

Hi Dicknotist,

I am a dedicated reader to your interesting posts on your blog. This is basically the only thing i read (including your links) that relates to PU. I was reading your post on the topic of "Inner Game IS the Game." This is exactly what I've sought after, this post and the answer. My question is how does one be truly content with himself so he has a flawless inner game? I know that is a difficult question to answer since you don't even know my personality, my fears.. my insecurities.

However, I believe myself to be fairly confident given the right circumstances... i do sometimes get approach anxiety, i sometimes feel very comfortable with myself but, I'm only young...I want the above sentences to be exactly this, 'i never get approach anxiety', 'i always feel very comfortable with myself'. How do i go about doing this? I am aware that your 'inner self' develops over time with experience, whether it is gaming, life, death, lessons etc.

Is there thing you have heard that could make myself have a completely unshaken inner game?

Thank you in advanced,
Cheers,

sh0rty

My response:

Sh0rty,

Your question reminds me of a famous prayer I came across in high school English class: "Lord, grant me chastity, but not yet!" Those famous words were once uttered by a young St. Augustine who would go on to spur the development of Western Christianity and Just War Theory, all while keeping a concubine for fifteen years. I thought of him because his quote is the perfect example of a man who was able to harness his true masculine power and impact the world for centuries to come. However, he did so by first fully embracing his shadow.

What is the shadow? According to Jungian psychology, the shadow is the part of the unconscious self that the conscious mind sees as undesirable. In other words, the shadow is your dark side, the part of yourself you are ashamed of and try to hide from others, particularly women.

When you ask how to develop unshakable inner game, first ask yourself: what part of yourself are you ashamed to show women? Do you not make enough money? Do you just want sex for sex's sake? Do you think your penis is too small? Are you the wrong race? Are you too short? Are you ashamed to even have sexual desire for a woman? For me, it was that last sentence. I was ashamed of my sexual desires for women.

Through much introspection, I discovered that a large part of my shame came from the teachings of those feminists who possessed a clear current of misandry. For instance, my favorite quote is reserved for the worst of them all, the late Andrea Dworkin, who once said, "Seduction is often difficult to distinguish from rape. In seduction, the rapist bothers to buy a bottle of wine." The very act of desiring a woman is equated here with sexual assault. In more mainstream sources, male desire may be equated with objectification. Either way, the message is clear: if you're a guy who is turned on my a female, that desire is bad and hurts women.

You can imagine how destructive these ideas can be to a young mind. Even to this day, I will never understand how a movement meant to help bring women up did so by inflicting so much pain on men. I felt betrayed, angry, and hurt.

Now a days, I'm over it. Here's how I did it. I OWNED exactly what I was afraid to reveal. I embraced my lust for women. I reveled in it. For me, I overcame my shame by revealing my intense sexual hunger through my eye contact. The community does a great job of explaining the importance of eye contact. The principle of waiting for her to look away first is spot on. However, the eyes are not only the window to the soul, but a great communicator as well. To confidently look a woman in the eyes and offer her the sexual experience she obsesses over all day is a gift unlike any other. Ask any woman: no favor, dinner, or diamond compares to the gaze of a powerful, sexually confident man. In fact, I now use my eyes as a weapon, an irresistible force that compels her to lie down with one leg at the 10 o'clock and the other at the 2. When you wonder how I regularly lay women within hours of meeting them or on a Day2, sexual eye contact is 90% of the work.

Shame is the cause of poor inner game; ownership is the solution.

Got a burning seduction question for me? Shoot me an email: the_dicknotist-pua (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Asians With Game

I admit it. I too have fallen for the fallacious stereotype of Asian men being smart and dedicated, but socially retarded and sexually frustrated. While society may have a general view of a particular race or ethnicity, each unique individual still has control over their own destiny and reality. When you check out the writings of Asian Playboy or Spiritfingers, you'll find examples of powerful, sexual, Asian men. Yet despite examples to the contrary, the stereotype persists, and is strongly believed by Asian men themselves. How else can Amazon.com sell books like "How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men."

I can empathize with them as I used to have a similar insecurity, believing that white women, particularly hot blondes, didn't go for Black men. Now I realize how insanely wrong that belief is, but at the time, I was cycling through excuses for why I wasn't getting laid and that one was particularly effective. Then I came across Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden," the classic book detailing women's sexual fantasies. My mind was blown. There's an entire chapter devoted to white women's secret, sexual obsession with black men. Since then, I've turned a perceived negative into a positive, using this knowledge as a weapon in set.

Is there something out there I could provide for my readers that could help you as much as Friday's book helped me? How about a 75 minute documentary on Japanese PUAs? Think they don't exist? Actually, much like in America and Europe, there's a pickup subculture in Japan as well, though they refer to the practice as "Nanpa." This particular documentary, The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief, centers on Japanese "host boys" who game girls for money, sort of like a reverse stripper game. Of course, they fuck them too. As one of the participants says, "I was having nonstop sex. I had sex with 365 girls a year." Having women spend exorbitant amounts of cash on you and you repay them with sex?! It's the stuff wet dreams are made of. Grab a notepad to take notes. You can view the documentary in its entirety here.

P.S. The same stereotype doesn't dog Asian women. On the contrary, they're highly sought after for two reasons. 1) They're generally seen as more submissive and pleasing than the average American woman and 2) men reason that since Asians' eyes are narrower than those of white women, perhaps their slits are too...or maybe that's just me! Still, having been in a longterm relationship with an Asian woman, I can tell you it's beyond true. She was so tight, when she squeezed, I swear she'd snap my dick in two!

Sexual Currency

Women are offered dick every day. Every woman in here gets offered dick at least three times a week. Three times a day, shit!

That's right. Every time a man's being nice to you all he's doing is offering dick.
That's all it is.

"Can l get that for you?" "How about some dick?"

"Could l help you with that?"

"Could l help you to some dick?"

"Do you need some dick?"

Leave it to Chris Rock to explain a concept in a way no one else can. The routine above refers to "sexual currency," a term I first heard in David DeAngelo's Mastery With Women and Dating program. Sexual currency is a woman's sexual value that she exploits to gain favors and attention from men. Sometime around her adolescence or even earlier, a woman becomes aware of her own sexuality and its power over most men. Over time, she becomes accustomed to the attention she receives from men and how they will sacrifice their self-respect and fortune to gain sexual favors from her.

Just the other night as I was chatting with my wing, I exchanged strong eye contact with a drunk Brunette who immediately opened me with "hi." Always one to strike while the pussy's still wet, I immediately rolled up and bantered over what we were drinking. To my surprise, she demanded that I buy her a drink. Perhaps my energy was off as this rarely happens to me in set. Indeed, she didn't even ask; she demanded! Of course, I called the bartender over and ordered her a glass of "Hell Nah" with a shot of "Bitch please!" Granted, she's still young and needs to learn how to manipulate with more grace and subtlety, but can you blame her for trying? If I were in her place, I'd do the same thing.

Actually, women everywhere of all ages are doing the same thing! From MySpace to the workplace, women are advertising their sexuality like never before and as a powerful, sexual male, I couldn't be happier. Who needs porn when you can just look out your window or enjoy your professor's cleavage in class?

Interestingly, you'd think women would be just as happy. They couldn't be as objectified as they are without their enthusiastic participation. Too often, however, the hotter and sexier a woman is, the more lonely and unhappy she seems.

I remember this three set I worked last month that featured an HB 6, HB 7, and a stunning HB 8.5 with beautiful brown curls. I did my usual magic and within 15 minutes, the 7 and 8.5 were vying for my attention while my wing occupied HB 6 who played the standard cockblock role. I eventually mini-isolated HB 8.5 and dropped one of my standard cold reads: "You know, everyone just wants to be seen. Too often, no one stops to see the actual person in front of them, the real person..." Just as I was about to get to my actual cold read, she chimed in with the saddest looking face I've ever seen. I immediately knew I stepped on an emotionally-charged land mine. I'll never forget her words and the look on her face as she said, "All people notice are the looks."

That's it. That's all she said, but I got the message loud and clear. A woman's looks are a gift and a curse. On one hand, they are given all this attention, praise, and resources from men, but it's all superficial. They are given something not because of who they are, but because of genetic luck. While women seem to want attention, what they truly crave is to feel special for who they are.

When I wrote my post yesterday, I didn't truly understand the advice my friends were telling me until now. The true challenge of pickup is not making people like you, but learning to like other people. When you learn to do that, people will repay in kind, from buying you drinks to swallowing your load. That's my focus going out tonight and how I plan to take my game to the next level.

I challenge all of you to do the same. Go out and make women happy!

What If the Rabbit Hole Never Ends?

When I first discovered the community and made the commitment to improve my seduction skills, my goal was to get two dates a month. At the time, I believed learning pickup was like learning how to act: imitate the traits of a confident man and poonani will flow into my bedroom window and inundate my dick with fresh pussy juices and pubic hair. How hard can it be (not my cock, but getting women)? Some of the hottest women I’ve seen spend their mornings complaining at the welfare office with their jobless baby daddies. If the bar is set that low, then a guy with an advanced education and an even more advanced intellectual acumen should run circles around these losers. Well, if that were true, this blog and the community wouldn’t exist.

Fans of The Matrix will remember this famous quote delivered by Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus: “You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” When I choked down that crimson capsule, I truly had no idea how deep and seemingly endless that hole would be. To my surprise, I found that pickup is more like playing one of those "Whack-The-Crocodile" games at the arcade. Just as you conquer one challenge, another one arises, leaving one vulnerable to self-improvement fatigue.

Over the past three years, my evolution has roughly proceeded as follows:

Problem: I was a 300 pound porker. Luckily, because of my height, I carried my weight well and didn't actually look that heavy, but scales don't lie. I changed my diet and lost 80 pounds. It took me a year and a half, but it’s over and the weight's still off, defying the statistics (95% of people regain all the weight back or more within five years). Sweet.

Hmm…new problem: I dressed and acted like an asexual, insecure dork. I got a fashion makeover with some help from a female friend of mine and her metrosexual boyfriend. They were a tremendous help in raising my fashion intelligence and getting me a comfortable look. I also obtained some videos from Pickup 101 and spent a few months studying and understanding body language and kino, though I also picked up some bad, unnatural habits that I had to unlearn. The next step was dropping my glasses for contacts and growing a goatee. Blam! When I sent an updated picture to my female friend who currently lives out of the country, I got the reaction I was looking for: "Bad ass!" "Oh, that pose makes you look sexy!" (Yes, I know I shouldn't be "reaction-seeking," but change doesn't happen overnight!)

Another problem: I was terrified of approaching women. I flew out 3,000 miles twice for the Authentic Man Program and Advanced Intimacy Seminar to build some inner game.Regular readers of my blog know how this story ends. What you may not know is that I work with one of their AMP coaches to this day and she's been instrumental in helping me stay on track.

Yet another problem: I was still not getting laid consistently. I took Vin DiCarlo’s bootcamp and weeded out the dysfunctional behaviors that were messing me up in my interactions. These days, I fuck about 1-2 new women a month. In time, I'll be content when I bump that up to 1-2 women every two weeks. Given that last month, I had two one night stands, back-to-back, and had a few close calls, I am well on my way to achieving that goal.

Current problem: I'm seducing pretty regularly, but my retention rate is poor. In other words, I can fuck 'em, but they don't stick around. This current rut is frustrating to say the least. I'm still undecided whether I'm truly ready for an awesome girlfriend, which means I'm probably not as I don't expect to leave the game anytime soon. Until that day comes, when I meet someone and the sex is good, I want to fuck them over a few months (or more) rather than a few days, if that. Who knows? I may actually grow to like her over time. After consulting this problem with several of my more experienced friends, including the Vin DiCarlo team, the solution lies essentially in being more vulnerable and less flashy around women. As DiCarlo instructor told me, I need to focus more on relating with women than seducing them.

My first instinct is to throw up my hands in despair and go to sleep. These days, I just want to conquer this part of my life and move on. Part of me screams that the last thing I want to do is relate with women. While my female friends and colleagues are women I would fight and die for, the same cannot be said for the women I actually want to fuck. That's just it: I just want to fuck them, have them cook me dinners, and bake me chocolate chip cookies, sort of like a girlfriend-lite. The more I try to understand the chicks I seduce, the less I respect or even like them. Now I'm told that the next step in my evolution is to learn to relate with them. Even worse, I should be more vulnerable with them after so many of them have neglected or hurt me in the past. Can you see why I'm reaching for some Alka-Seltzer right now?

Of course, I remain committed to building my stable of fuck buddies and will do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. I will accept nothing less than absolute victory. If I have to actually relate with women to get my harem, then so be it.

Pickup has become almost obsessive to me. When I was at the bootcamp, we were doing some drill when one of the instructors asked me what I like to do for fun. I couldn't come up with an answer other than wanting to seduce women and socializing with my friends while doing so. Among going to school full-time, working, and this hobby, I don't have time for anything else.

Is it wrong to spend most of the day thinking of ways to get in the pants of women walking and socializing all around you? Most guys just stare and fantasize; I'm not like most guys. I was raised to go out and get what you want because no one else will give it to you or care if you don't have it. I've paid my dues to society. I've spent countless hours of my free time in high school and college helping the community (the less fortunate, not the seduction community) and getting involved in school activities while my cooler peers were out fucking the blonde bimbos, lusty red heads, busty brunettes, and innocent-looking prom queens I dropped endless loads over. It's my time!

Every time I hit the hay, my head swirls with visions of what my life will be like after I succeed: a vast harem complete with big tits, tramp stamps, tongue piercings, cum swapping, threesomes and moresomes, squirting orgasms, black cock worship, and at least one virgin who likes it when I pull her around on my leash. When that happens, I'll be sure to post pictures.

Pickup Goes Mainstream

Well, it looks like the seduction community won't remain underground for much longer. While we've seen the community receive increasing press following publication of Neil Strauss'The Game, we are in for an unprecedented amount of exposure when Mystery's new reality series, The Pickup Artist airs on VH1 next month.

Those of you who know me may be surprised I'm publicizing this show. I am far from a fan of Mystery and the indirect game he pioneered. His method, while ingenious on paper, makes the mistake of treating pickup like a science where you can consistently just follow some steps like you're creating a program and viola! Within 7 hours, you'll be on top of some hottie, banging her into next week.

More importantly, his routines and canned material serve more as tools guys use to hide the shame that is keeping them from achieving their goals with women and relationships. I'll never forget when I was working a 3-set about a year and a half ago and the hottest one, a cute brunette who took pride in announcing she's a lawyer, wasn't laughing and playing along as her friends were. Instead, she said flat out, "You hide behind your humor." Being an attractive brunette, her intuition was finely tuned enough to see how petrified I was in social situations and how I was using "cocky and funny" and routines I read online to hide that fear.

That said, some guys have to start somewhere and if they can gain value from Mystery's stuff and get more sex, then there will be a lot more happy people around. More importantly and the reason I'm making this post is the hope that more media exposure will reach other guys who may not know about the community and the plethora of resources and brotherhood it offers. To say that the community saved my life is hardly a stretch...

As for the video itself, it's a great promo. I just can't imagine being on this Earth for 45 years and having never gotten any poonani. Most guys I imagine start to get horny around the age of 10, give or take a few years. So, that's roughly 35 years of having his sexual appetite unquenched. Damn!

How Feminism Helps You Get Laid

So, why do YOU have sex? My answer is obvious: I'm horny and want to plow through a pussy like a snow mound. How about you? Why do you have sex? Some psychologists over at the University of Texas think they know. They've identified 237 reasons why men and women are getting it on. Some of the reasons include: getting closer to God; overcoming boredom; burning up calories; staying warm; gaining a promotion; exacting revenge; or curing a tension headache.

My favorite part of the article is when they promulgated the old stereotype of how men and women view sex.

The results of the biggest study of people's motivation for sex show that men are more likely to spring into action for physical reasons than women, whose motives were more likely to be based on emotions. Women were much more likely to say: ''I realized that I was in love." Men were more likely to say: "I wanted to increase the number of partners I had experienced."

There's one problem with that view: it's outdated. For those of you who haven't noticed, women are having sex for sex's sake in increasing numbers. Of course, this is good news. Heaven forbid you have to marry someone or go to a prostitute to get laid these days. There's an endless meat market out there and more than enough pick-up information online to tap into it. One only needs to spend some time on a college campus or cruise the local bar scene to see what's going on behind closed doors (or bathroom stalls).

Even better, read Unhooked by Laura Sessions Stepp. Her book provides an eye-opening account of the sexual exploits and attitudes of young women today. Of course, the author is an old fuddy duddy who ends the book bemoaning the current hook-up culture, but you can just skip the last chapter. The book changed my mindset that you have to promise monogamy and put in a lot of effort to have an ongoing sexual relationship with a woman. Even more interesting, the book changed my views on feminism or at least one branch of it.

A third of the book deals with explaining how the hook-up culture came to fruition and interestingly, one place Stepp points the finger is modern day feminism. How can this be? Didn't the late Andrea Dworkin and her ilk demonize sex as an act of male domination? Didn't they launch an anti-porn campaign on the strange premise that looking at naked women promotes sexual violence? Apparently the feminazis I abhorred growing up are dying off and the new generation of sex-positive feminists is gaining traction. This branch of feminism supports porn, wants to decriminalize prostitution, and favors removing the slut stigma that has served to curtail female sexual expression through much of human history. In other words, these feminists are convincing today's young women what men could never do: getting slutty is empowering. Indeed, Stepp makes the insightful observation that the current hookup culture would not be possible without the enthusiastic participation of women. After all, they have traditionally played the role of the sexual gatekeepers. Luckily, they're abandoning that role in record numbers and are porking guys left and right. It's a great day to be a PUA!

The Truth About Guys and Dolls

I went through a cascade of emotions when I viewed the above video, a 46 minute documentary about men who use "real dolls." Believe it or not, there's a company out in California that produces life-like dolls that some men use as substitutes for actual women. They dress them, fuck them, and even fall in love them. Not sure if they burp them though.

I remember first learning about this subculture in a Salon article a few years ago. Rereading the article, I just felt sad for all the guys involved. I've definitely felt lonely before, but never to the extent that I'd try to build intimacy with an inanimate object. Yet when I saw the documentary, I was simply creeped out, especially when they were taking the dolls apart and talking to them as if they were real woman. I couldn't help but sense a tinge of necrophilia to it all.

This video should serve as a warning to what life brings you when you just give up. We all know that social intelligence and inner confidence doesn't come naturally for many men. As a result, finding a companion or getting laid is much harder for some guys than others. The mere existence of the seduction community proves that. However, this game isn't made for quitters. Whether you're tall, short, smart, dumb, rich, poor, anatomically correct, or handicapped, anyone can improve their social skills and meet someone. The first step is being willing to try.

Everyone has their issue keeping them from getting what they want with women. If you are ashamed of some part of yourself, you can be helped. If you've angry at women and want revenge, you can be helped. If you're lonely and are seeking validation, you can be helped. However, if you give up and drop $6,500 on a doll, you're beyond help. You need to be hospitalized at the closest facility. When you no longer believe in yourself or the richness the right women can bring to your life, how will others believe in you? How will others see you as someone who can bring richness to their lives?

Take control of your own life. Master this game. Find happiness and bring that happiness to women...real women.

Tear That Pussy Up!

Back in my AFC days, I used to have an insatiable anger towards women for always passing me over for the "bad boys." I did all the things I learned from school, television, and Hollywood to woo a woman's heart: surprised her with flowers, never said anything off-color around her, did her favors, chased her, acted sweeter than a Krispy Creme Donut, and pretended to believe that feminist nonsense of "gender equality." Yes, I was the stereotypical nice guy who acted as her sexually frustrated psychologist who listened and offered advice when she'd complain about her loser boyfriends.

I actually went into a genuine depressed state for a while because I became ashamed of my nice, sensitive side. It pained me to feel that I had to be an abusive, misogynistic bastard to ever get laid, let alone get a girlfriend. When I first learned pickup, I used the routines to hide this part of myself out of fear that she'd figure out I'm nice after all and she'd pass me over like all the ones before her. I had no problem pretending to be "aloof" and I eventually learned enough routines to get a few lays. Most of the time, however, my insecurities lead me to torpedo one opportunity after another. Of course, I blamed the women when the problem was I wasn't being my true self: a powerful, dominant, and sexual man.

Nowadays, I no longer hide my niceness, my power, or my sexual desire. Rather than be the doormat I once was, I now hold open doors for women and whisper romantic nothings into their ears - AND still get laid. I command respect. I make women blush by the things I say...and turned on. I am an unstoppable, fucking machine!

If you were to tell me three years ago that I'd reach this point, I would've thought you were crazy. I used to think women had a secret desire to be beaten, used, and abused. Now that I'm much older, more mature, and more experienced, I know the real reason women love bad boys. It's the real reason so many women get involved with abusive men and even marry them later on. Low self-esteem? Lack of good men left? Financially trapped in the relationship? Oppression of the patriarchy? Nah. The sex with bad boys and jerks is off the hook!

Sound crazy? Outrageous? Check out this post on Craig's List to get an idea of what sex with a nice guy is like for a woman. If there is only one thing you learn from reading this blog, never forget this: the fundamental difference between a guy who has his pick of women and the guy who picks at the scraps is sexual confidence. Both real men and bad boys have sexual confidence because they know on a deep-down fundamental level that they can give women what few guys can: mind-blowin, leg-shakin, emotionally-overwhelming sex.

How does a man with sexual confidence act during sex? He revels in being dominant. He doesn't fuck her like some delicate flower solely out of fear of hurting her feelings. He's comfortable in revealing his emotions to someone he truly cares about. He's totally in the moment without flashing back to past hurts and experiences or conjuring up future ones. Rather than obsess over his insecurities, he's thinking of her and her pleasure and trusts that she will reciprocate in kind. He's playful and sees sex as a fun, shared experience, not another form of masturbation.

These days I don't have approach anxiety. Sure, an attractive woman has her beauty, but hot women grow on trees and their beauty declines after 30. What percentage of men know how to turn a woman into a submissive little puppy from hot sex? 1%? 0.5%? How many men can pump past the five minute mark? I mean literal pumping, not foreplay. How many men have the balls to grab a woman by the hair and order her to scream "fuck me like I'm your dirty little daughter" and actually make her wetter by doing so? (I did the other night). Who's man enough to fuck a woman so hard, you rupture something inside of her and she begs......no...screams for you to ram her harder and harder? A sexual master is so rare, he's virtually irreplaceable, which is exactly why he sets the relationship on his terms and the girl will go along with whatever he wants, unlike the typical relationship today where the woman calls the shots.

The reason we have had an epidemic of weak, sissy guys a.k.a. chodes is because society keeps propagating the fallacy that the way to a woman's heart is through a man's wallet. The truth is the way to a woman's heart is through her legs! There is no greater gift you can give a woman than a succession of ten orgasms followed by a day of limping because her pussy got torn up the night before. That's why sexually confident guys will fuck a girl as fast as she's ready. There's no greater "DHV" and no faster or powerful way to hook a woman.

Why? When you lead the body, the emotions and then the mind will follow. What you do to the body releases chemicals in the brain that change and influence the mind. As mentioned in a previous post, after orgasm, a woman's body releases Oxytocin, the "cuddle chemical" that makes them feel a sense of connection and belonging with the guy who just fucked them. Imagine how much of that stuff is floating around in their system after all the orgasms a sexually confident man can give them. After you're done fucking and their body is overflowing with that chemical, you lead her body again. Hold her, get her to open up more, and be really reassuring and nonjudgmental. Lead her body and you'll lead her mind. This same principle, by the way, is also why kino is so devastatingly powerful and indispensable to good game.

Ok, so how do you achieve sexual mastery? Three works have been instrumental in improving my sexual skills:

1) Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms by David Shade
2) The Sex God Method by Daniel Rose
3) The Secret Principles of Pleasure by IN10SE

With those three products (especially Daniel Rose's book) and lots of sexual experience, you'll have more than enough to be on your way.

The fundamental mindset driving my game these days is the belief that women cook for me, buy me drinks, and perform me other favors and in return, I give them the gift of awesome, unforgettable sex. That way, I get what I want and I repay her with...what I want! My current goal is to create a stable of supplicating women at my sexual beck and call - an arrangement that would make Hugh Hefner proud!

Women want sex. They crave it. They're obsessed with it. Having to pretend that they're asexual out of fear of looking slutty is why they do some of nutty things they do. When you can free a woman to express herself sexually, to live out her fantasies, and to be the submissive cum-slut she dreams to be, then you have a sex slave on your hands! And that is dicknotization at its best!

Confidence in a Bottle?

Well, we can enter this latest news story as exhibit B of why scientists make poor pick-up artists. Apparently, they have created a nasal spray that can cure shyness.

How? Ever notice how right after sex, you're more talkative, open, and genuinely calm? Well, particularly for women, that's because of Oxytocin. Essentially, oxytocin is the chemical released in women's bodies after orgasm and also while breast feeding that facilitates their getting attached to the guy or child respectively. It is also produced in both genders when people fall in love and also when pregnant women go into labor.

The main feature of this "cuddle chemical" is that it induces a sense of calm and consequently, is being developed as yet another drug for social anxiety - in nasal form no less! As if Ativan, Klonopin, or good 'ol alcohol weren't enough.

As a long sufferer of approach anxiety, I have tremendous sympathy for guys who are still struggling. In fact, one of the reasons I blog so much is to help those very guys. However, the big mistake guys make in the field is using these drugs as a way of faking confidence.

Let's say it works. You approach the woman confidently, make a great impression, and get her number. Then what? Will you pop another Klonopin when the time comes to call? Will you down a bunch of beers on your Day2? Will you pop a Viagra when you finally close her 'cause you're now getting Whiskey dick? When will it end?

The problem with quick fixes is sooner or later, the woman will see through the mask and will feel cheated or even angry. Woman have an ultra-sensitive radar for deception (or "creepiness" as the average woman would say). You're not helping yourself by faking confidence with mind-altering substances. If come to rely on these drugs, the quality of women you end up with will reflect that. It's much scarier, but in the end, you'll be so much better off approaching women stone cold sober.

If you want true help for your approach anxiety, I highly recommend the Authentic Man Program Course.

Fuck Long & Stay Hard! (UPDATED)

You have to love the drug companies. Within a few short years, "impotence" became "erectile dysfunction," which later became the harmless "ED." When you manage to change the name of a embarrassing condition to that of a horse of an old TV show, you definitely get props.

There's certainly a guarantee that every guy will encounter a limp dick at least once in their lifetime. It's certainly not fun to talk about, but a necessary issue to address when you're a student of seduction. There's nothing worse than doing everything right and getting all the way to sex...and your own body betrays you. You're aroused and ready to go, but your dick refuses to rise to the occasion. The humiliation! The rage! The shame! Not everyone will react the same, but whatever the reaction is, it's overwhelmingly negative and potentially devastating.

Of course, there are medications available as a temporary solution: Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis. For some guys, use of these meds may be necessary and even permanent if their ED is a result of a chronic, physical disease such as Diabetic neuropathy or a side effect of medication such as antidepressants or antihypertensives. When used in this manner or occasionally as an "erection guarantee," I support their use 100%. In fact, I believe they're the most important meds to come out since the birth control pill.

However, if the cause of your ED is more psychological (likely if you're still able to wake up with an erection), then use of these meds should be temporary or sporadic. You don't want to become dependent on them as the best sex is often that that occurs spontaneously. Who knows? Your body may get so used to them that you actually need them to have erections.

Another common sexual problem is premature ejaculation: when you cum much sooner than you would like. You gamed her well, gave her a lot of foreplay, stick it in, and...she starts humming Missy Eliot: "Break me off, show me whatcha got, cause I don't want no One Minute Man!" Yikes! Sure, there's medication for this condition as well: low dose antidepressants, but who wants to take mood altering drugs for a sexual problem?

Here's my modest proposal. The best solution to ED and most sexual problems is presence: being totally in the moment without a worry of the past or the future. Too often, when Mr. Happy stays soft, the mind races into overdrive as the anxiety takes over. The guy may actually try harder to get an erection by beating the shit out of his dick or thinking of a scene from his favorite porn flick. Ironically, these actions often make the problem worse.

When you keep your mind on her, your incredible attraction for her, and the pleasurable sensations going through your own body, an erection just happens. When you become really present, you'll feel your dick getting stiff which is a turn on in of itself...cause you know you're gonna give it to her.

Likewise, when I fuck, I can easily last an hour or longer because I am not thinking of other stuff. My mind is 100% on her and enjoying the wondrous, amazing sensations flowing through each pore of my body. When you pay attention to your own body, you can feel when you're coming close and will have an easier time controlling your own physical responses. Think of it this way. When someone comes up behind you and tickles you, you'll have an exaggerated response cause you didn't see it coming. Your mind was elsewhere. If you're told ahead of time that you're gonna be tickled, you can actually suppress the sensation. The same idea applies with sex: pay attention to the sensations going on in your dick and you'll naturally adjust or modify what you're doing to last longer.

Next time you encounter a sexual problem such as ED, notice where your attention is. Are you thinking of something else? Are you in your head? Can you feel the sensations flowing through your body? Troubleshoot and the solution will be clear. Yippie Ki-Yay, muthafucka!

UPDATE: A couple of days after my original post, I came across this interesting article on PsychCentral.

Researchers from the Cochrane Systematic Review organization found group therapy is more effective than the commonly prescribed medication sildenafil. And, that adding sildenafil to group therapy was more effective that sildenafil alone.

It's interesting that they found group therapy to be more effective that Viagra (a.k.a. "sildenafil"). It just goes to show that the problem is fundamentally an inner game issue.

LR: “You Can Fuck Me Like That Anytime!”

You’ve all heard of Murphy’s Law…well it hit early in my Day2 with HBDicknotized. I pick her up at her place as she lives 5 min. from the venue I want to take her. After she shows me her place, we start walking to my car when I see a tow truck rolling towards me…with my car attached to the back. I couldn’t have been in the house more than 10 minutes. Like a street approach, I stop right in front of the truck, walk up to the passenger side, lean in all alpha, and start the negotiation process. After a min or two, he agrees to drop my car at a $55 discount. Fucking shark! I pay up and we roll to the venue.

From here, it’s smooth sailing. She gets the first round of drinks from the bartender who’s one of my good friends. She also remembers how I like my mixed drinks – almost all alcohol. She made our drinks so stiff, it was like having 5 of them! I stop after just one round to make sure I’d be ok to drive. After vibing for a while and escalating the kino, I lay down flat in the booth, resting my head on her thighs. She’s stroking my head and just loves it. After I fix myself up again, the tension is definitely through the roof as she’s rubbing my thighs and giving me the “kiss me eyes.” It’s definitely time for isolation!

I normally would’ve grabbed her hand and just lead her out, but I figure she might as well finish her drink. I teased her about having no tolerance to which she immediately qualified herself. I then grabbed her drink and made as if I was gonna chug it to help her out when she snatches it out of my hand and chugs it all down. She smiles and is so proud of herself…it is beyond adorable! By now, I want to fuck her into next week. I give her a hug, calling her a “good girl” and lead her back to my car.

We go straight back to her place, though I make sure I park at a good spot this time. I go through my bag and whip out a DVD when she tells me she already has it. Sweet! At her place, I use her bathroom and when I come out, she’s fiddling for the DVD.

She clearly wants it. Why bullshit around when it’s obvious we’re not there to watch TV shows? I tell her I want to see how she organizes her room, take her by the hand, lead us straight to her bed.

When I get on her bed and lean in for the kiss, she jumps me! There was no LMR, just last minute excitement! I did definitely ramp up the compliance factor, having her pose for pics and having her do things that would make Paris Hilton blush. My, my, my…the power of Dicknotism!

#1 Cause of Flakes: A Lack of Intrigue

These days, I have roughly a 50% flake rate. At first, that fact didn’t bother me as that’s still plenty of women to be getting laid from consistently. However, lately I’ve thought about all the number closes I’ve done in the past few weeks and I’ve made a starling, counterintuitive discovery: All the women I number-closed within 5-10 minutes of meeting them never flaked on me whereas the women I gamed for a good 30-45 minutes were much more inconsistent. I reread the DiCarlo Declassified Manual when I came across this nugget from Vin: “The number one cause of flaking is a lack of intrigue.” Could it be I have a habit of sharing too much with a women, leaving little mystery to pique their curiosity? You can bet on it!

If you’re having a flake problem, ask yourself: are you giving everything away to a woman within 20 min? There is power in the unknown. By telling everything about yourself to someone you barely know, you’re in essence giving away your power. No wonder women are flaking; no chick wants a weakling.

The Summer of Dicknotizism

UrbanDictionary.com defines "dicknotize" as a "phenomenon that occurs as a direct result of a good, deep dicking. Common symptoms include, but are not limited, to poor judgment, irrational behavior, short attention span, scarred fashion sense, loss of under clothing, and an overall glassy look in the eyes coupled with inane utterances."

Women want sex. They crave it. They're obsessed with it. They spend all morning thinking of being reamed into next week, diddle in the bathroom during lunch, have wild sex fantasies on the ride home from work, and shove some vibrating dildo violently into their snatches over their TV dinner. They're more perverted than the worst porn flick you can imagine...and they're so, so frustrated.

An article in Live Science details how one researcher learned that women settle for mediocre sex. This is a crime! You can learn all the techniques you want, but the foundation of tight game is even tighter sexual skills. At the end of the night, you've gotta deliver and when you do, you own her. Simple as that.

Here's my challenge for all of you: find 'em and give it to 'em. I don't care what your excuse is. There's a reason pickup truly is not hard: since the women are hornier than men could ever be, half the work is done for us automatically. So, my readers, go forth and give women wet, screaming, orgasms. Give them a limp that'll last into the end of the week.

Online Dating = Quick Pulls

Faithful readers of my blog know that I am not a fan of online dating. Yes, online dating has become a meat market of endless casual hook-ups. While that's fun, the women who are online are there for a reason. Too often, after you shoot your load and the erection subsides, you realize that the instability that made her great in the sack would drive you nuts in any other context.

That said, one of the members of the Boston Lair asked an interesting question on his own recent online dating experience. He is on Match.com and one of the girls recently winked at him. Yet, when he read her profile, she insisted that she is only looking for group dates. (I bet she wonders why she's still single... ;o)

Here is my response:

Stop overthinking this one. She winked at YOU! You already have the upper hand; she'll likely give into most of your requests, including a one-on-one Day2. Act as if you never reread her profile; it's bullshit information to trip up the chodes. Group dates?! LOL! Can you imagine a troop of chodes taking a bunch of online girls to Starbucks?! I'd love to see that one!

Ok, this is what she was actually saying when she winked at you: "I'm horny as hell! Fuck me so deep that I get a sore throat!" Think about it...would a girl approach you in a bar? Rarely. If she does, it almost always means she's looking for a ONS. Girls almost never open guys, even the elite 1% of girls who are confident. This is true whether it's online or in real life.

When I used to do online dating and a girl winked at or messaged me first, it always meant one thing: a Day2 fuck close is guaranteed. Just kino a lot, maintain a sexual state, and be aggressive (sort of like the PUA, Badboy). Not forceful or pushy, but playful, dominant, and leading - and it should be clear what you're there for. Of course, talk and vibe like normal, but every time you're looking into her eyes, you should always be thinking about one of her legs being at the 10 o'clock, the other at the 2 o'clock...

I only do this for an online dating situation where she messages me first: message her back right away, get her digits, and call her that day. The last online close I did went like this: She messaged me at 9 am (girls are always horniest in the morning). I got her digits around noon, called her by 4 PM, and was plowing her in my car by 9 PM. After she swallowed my load and chatted with her bf on her cell, she told me, "I totally didn't expect to hook up tonight." Yeah...she didn't expect to hook up the next night either. Smile

This can be your reality if you want it to be. My reality is life is a one big porno flick with me as the director, complete with the cheesy songs they play at the bars. Whatever you actually do, what you should absolutely do is get her to agree to a one-on-one Day2 precisely because she asked for group dates on her profile. The more she complies with your requests, the more LMR you'll preempt at the end.

Girls Just Wanna Be Gamed!

Ever felt guilty or awkward when approaching a woman? Think you need fancy routines to impress a girl into bed? Guess what? Girls are hornier than guys. They want to be picked-up! They want to be seduced. Most importantly, they want to be fucked well - so hard and so deep they wake up with a sore throat the next day. This brings me to this gem of a post from PaperTrail, a female member in The Austin Society (Austin Lair) who also wrote a thesis on the seduction community. Here is what a woman has to go through after a generation of men has become chodified.

Girls are bored of guys with no game.

I'm in Minneapolis/St. Paul right now visiting my best friend. We went out last night in a group of five girls, each one of us looking to meet guys. We stood in a packed bar, full of mostly guys, talking to each other but not being approached. The men of the twin cities seriously need some lessons in picking up. I could tell there were guys who were checking out our group, but not one of them got up the balls to come talk to us. Finally one guy came and spoke to us, but only after giving him the "hello" eye four times. It was the most boring conversation someone could have. "Hi, where are you from, what do you do, blah blah clearly I am a boring human being." I felt like I was doing all the work to keep the conversation interesting, and man that can be a turn-off. I most certainly don't expect guys to do all the work when it comes to approach and carrying on a conversation, but I don't like being the ONLY one who is making an effort. I think I've been ruined by spending too much time around the amazing TAS boys.

So, here's the lesson that you all have heard a million times from other guys, but perhaps it will be some extra motivation for tonight's bi-weekly to hear this from a girl... Girls are so tired of having boring conversations with chodes who are un-charasmatic, not confident, and basically dull duds. Girls go to bars with their friends hoping something new, different, and interesting will happen, if that weren't the case we'd just stay home and watch re-runs of Flavor of Love. To all you newbies or guys who are getting over approach anxiety, remember this: Your efforts are appreciated. Thank you for trying to better yourself and for offering us girls an alternative to the doldrums of the bar scene.

Paper.

The PUA Anthem!

If you've never read the following anonymous post off the Bristol Lair, you're not a true PUA. Somehow the author summarizes all the main tenets of PUA philosophy from how to see through the societal matrix to pickup itself. I still read it at least once a month and am amazed with its accuracy, breadth, and comprehensiveness. Warning: the truth hurts.

The Truth About Women by Unknown

I wasn't a sexist before I understood women. There was a time when I was blissfully ignorant.

I grew up watching Disney cartoons, I believed in romance and "true love conquers all" etc. I wanted to find a woman who could be my equal, my partner. I believed in finding that one true love and being committed to each other forever. You know, like in the marriage vows, "for better or for worse, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer" etc. And I believed that women basically wanted the same thing. Now I understand that this was only possible when society was structured to enforce it. Now that women are "liberated" (and thus at the mercy of their own emotions and baser instincts) this is mostly no longer possible in today's society. Victorian society, or many Arab societies, are examples of how society used to be structured to keep women as faithful as possible.

I'd like to point out that I am not a misogynist...I love women. But I AM a sexist, in the sense that I believe women are vastly different than men and, according to the standards that men hold for other men, women are inferior as well.

I must be a bitter loser, right? In fact, I enjoy more success with women than most of the men in this city. I have slept with over 200 women in my life. I am sleeping with 5 different women right now. They are all normal, healthy, well-adjusted, good-looking (8+ on the looks scale) professional women. (At least as normal and healthy and well-adjusted as women can be - most women have issues.) But that's not all. I can go out any night of the week and pick up a woman. I can pick her up in front of all her friends (with 80% efficiency for each approach.) Women will slip me their phone number when their boyfriend is in the bathroom. I can talk to women on the street or in the grocery store and within 30 minutes, I can usually have sex with them right there in my car or get them back to my place. If I have to settle for a phone number, and I meet her on another day, assuming she doesn't flake, I WILL fuck her that next day.

Let me point out right now that my Modus Operandi doesn't change in the slightest if she single or if she has a boyfriend or husband. I just do my normal routine and I fuck her. Sometimes she brings up the boyfriend so she won't feel guilty when I fuck her because now it's "my fault." Sometimes she hides it from me until after I've fucked her, then she admits it. I can't tell you how many times I've been laying next to some chick, all sweaty cause I just finished busting a nut all over her face or in her mouth or on her back, and suddenly her phone rings and she's on the phone with her man, giving him some bullshit story. This is with NO GUILT WHATSOEVER!!! The sweetest most innocent girls you ever laid eyes on, will cheat at the drop of a HAT. The one thing that most men value most - loyalty - is just not there with women. Women don't think in terms of honor, women don't say "word is bond;" women are basically emotionally driven. If they feel it, they do it, period. Then they rationalize it to themselves later. Nothing is more meaningful, or compelling, to a woman than (1) the way she feels and (2) learning more about her own inner self and having emotional realizations. That's why women love astrology, chick flicks, soap operas, stupid Cosmo quizes that supposedly reveal info about yourself, etc.

I must be really good looking, right? NOPE. My looks are marginal; I'm maybe a 7. I don't work out (though I'm not fat or anything.) In fact I didn't have any success with women until I was in my early 20's. That's when I decided to go out a lot and start trying to get laid... I was willing to face rejection a thousand times a night, and do it over and over, trying everything, until I got it right. I had to completely set my ego aside. I didn't get laid at all for the first few months. Then every now and then. Then pretty often. Then downright consistently! I'm in my early 30's now and I am basically a sexual god. I wouldn't have even believed this were possible when I was in high school. The ONLY factor that determined whether a woman would cheat was my own skill level. When my skills were poor, women shit all over me. (Everyone knows how women think they have license to be rude bitches in social situations... in fact I understand and appreciate that behavior now.) But once my skills got good, I could fuck just about anyone's wife or girlfriend. And many times I didn't know they had a man until after I fucked them.

Look, I'm not saying that men are perfect, or whatever. Far from it. I'm just saying, I've spent a lot of my time studying women and interacting with them, and I know how they are. In fact, sometimes I hate knowing it. Sometimes I wish I had taken the blue pill, and never went down the rabbit hole, because now there's really no going back. I didn't want to believe these things... but how could I ever get married now? How could I ever be the chump who pays for everything and blissfully goes through life not worrying about his woman because he trusts her? Look, would you leave your dog alone with a steak? You can't hate the dog for doing what's in its nature. You can't trust a dog, BUT you can trust a dog to BE a dog. Some men are disloyal... but I could *never* trust a woman to be loyal. Some men are bad presidents...but I could *never* vote for a woman to be president. I can rarely expect a woman to regard her own promises as more important and compelling to her than the emotions she feels in the moment. She will rationalize it to herself later.

Here's an interesting fact. Did you know that the median 22 year old woman has TWICE as much sex as the median 22 year old man? You might ask, how is that possible? If a woman's having sex, doesn't that mean a man is having sex at the same time? And thus, shouldn't men be having just as much sex as women? NO...because most men hardly get laid, or if they do, it's because they "got lucky." But a small group of men get laid ALL THE TIME, and fuck LOTS AND LOTS of women! It's evolution at work. Women follow their emotions, and that leads them to sleep with men like me (who know how to control female emotions.) Women want the top man...so the top man fucks lots of women. That's right - the sexual revolution, feminism, etc has resulted in a return to harems. Women, at the mercy of their own emotions, are volunteering for the modern-day equivalent of harems. Lucky for me!! Heh.

You might say, "But...but...I'm so nice! I'm a nice guy!" Guess what? That's like a fat chick saying, "But I'm so smart!" As if those things have anything in the world to do with sexual attraction!

I'm going to give some tips here for the poor sucker guys who are posting online trying to get laid and who are spending hundreds / thousands of dollars on all those whores out there without getting any play. (You bitches know exactly what you're doing, and I'm on to your game!)

* Don't be sexually judgemental in any way. A woman's worst fear is to be perceived as a slut. She will suck your toes and take it in the ass if she thinks you don't view her poorly for it (and she knows her friends won't find out.)

* Don't get angry at her. Women know they have emotional outbursts and they need to trust that you can handle that. It's ok (and necessary) to occasionally put your foot down...just make sure she knows you are fully in control of yourself.

* Don't let her manipulate you or control you in any way. She will immediately lose all respect for you. Always be leading. It's just like dancing - women hate a man who can't lead.

* When first approaching a woman or a group, they tend to get a feeling like this is just your little scheme to get close to them, when you really just want something from them - like sex. (And they're right.) It's important to structure your body language and conversation so that they honestly don't believe you want something from them. They should feel like you are about to leave at any second.

* DON'T TRY TO IMPRESS HER IN ANY WAY. Don't show off. Don't talk about accomplishments or possessions. As soon as she perceives that you are trying to prove yourself to her, she loses all interest.

* Don't ignore her friends. A woman values her friend's opinions more than just about anything else in the world. Nothing matters to her more than what other women are thinking. Give her friends lots of attention and get everyone laughing. If one woman is feeling different than the others, she will drag them away. They will follow like a flock of pigeons. Society is the book of women. (Notice that men do NOT behave this way! Women are very different!)

* To get a woman attracted / emotionally vulnerable, give her lots of emotions and feelings. Don't just make her feel good. Make her feel good, and angry, and sad, and connected, and astonished, and intrigued, etc. Make her laugh. Tease her. Tell stories about your sick puppy. Tell her why things would never work out between the two of you. Call her a dork. If she gets heated up, she will start touching you...playfully push her away. If she calls you a jerk and punches your arm, you are doing it right. If she gives you that "I can't believe you just said that" look, do NOT back down, do not say "Oh I'm just kidding" or anything like that.

* As she gets more emotional, she will try to ruin things by throwing in logic. She will ask you if you are a player, or if you say this to all the girls, or whatever. The trick is this: Don't take it seriously by giving it some logical answer! That's right...women lose interest if you take them seriously!!! It's crazy but that's how they behave. Just blow it off or misinterpret what she's saying as though she is coming on to you. If you fail these tests, she will be gone so fast your head will spin.

* She will start asking you lots of questions. This is what chicks do when they suddenly find themselves attracted to a man they know nothing about. This is your chance to open up a little and also find out more about her and build a deeper connection. You have to do this, or she will flake later (even if you've kissed her!) Women are the worst flakes in the world! Don't make it too easy for her, make her work for it a bit. Then talk about connections and childhood memories and things you have in common, etc. She needs to feel that this is genuine. This is usually the time when I throw in a few fake vulnerabilities, like pretending I'm shy or insecure about something. I know it's fucked up but women need to see that there are at least a few small holes where they can sink their hooks in you. They get uneasy if you are too perfect.

* Make sure she gets the feeling that you have standards and that you are judging her based on them. Ask her questions that show her you are checking her out to see if she is up to snuff. Women don't like to feel like you are with them only because you can't do any better. They prefer to feel like you have high standards; you can get any chick you want, but you chose HER because she is SOOOO special and SOOOO different from all the others. Yeah, I know.

* Move her to different locations. Take her next door for a drink. Take her across the street to check out some art. The more locations the better.

* Take responsibility for every escalation. A woman will do just about anything as long as she doesn't have to feel like it was "her fault." Make it YOUR fault. Make it "just happen." She will rationalize it to herself later using the same bullshit generator that women use to flake out on dates at the last minute. Don't get her horny until you get her isolated. Believe me, emotional is better than horny.

* Keep the woman always swinging somewhere between validation and rejection. If she feels rejected, she drops out or gets REALLY MAD. And if she feels too validated, she will ditch you in a heartbeat. So push her away (emotionally) and then pull her back in.

* BELIEVE YOUR OWN BULLSHIT. Chicks do not look at your excuses and try to see if they are bullshit or not... because that is the logical thing to do, and chicks are not logical. Rather, what they do is see if YOU seem to believe your own bullshit when you say it. If you look like you do, then chances are, they will believe it too. So the key is to believe your own bullshit, and other aspects about yourself that you want the chick to believe about you too (alpha male..whatever)... because your own self beliefs for some reason will automatically 'impart' to the chick!

* One more thing...many guys make the mistake of listening to female romantic advice. Don't listen to them, THEY DON'T KNOW WTF THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT, and they WILL steer you wrong. They will tell you what they THINK they want, instead of what they actually RESPOND to. And furthermore, a large part of the female sexual experience IS the inability to admit these things BECAUSE they derive sexual pleasure from putting up resistance and being overwhelmed.

If you do things this way, after a few months practice you WILL get laid like a rock star. The guys who get laid are the ones who know what they are doing, because they have practiced on lots of women. Ironically, women are most attracted to the men who are most likely to fuck them and then dump them on their ass - because those are precisely the men who have so many other options because they practice on lots of women. That's why you always hear women bitching about how men are assholes that only want to fuck them and dump them - because those are the men that they gravitate to.

Women tend to wise up when they get towards their 30s, and they start looking for a nice wimpy beta male to settle down with and pay for all their shit. As they get older, they will get more and more desperate to find this guy. Once they do, they will cheat on him with an exciting fun guy like me. (But who wants to fuck some old chick in her 30's? That's what beta males are for! Heh)

Hey, don't blame me - I didn't make things the way they are. I was just a guy who wanted to get laid. And I do :-)

Unknown

Why you Should Always Wrap It Up...

One of the reasons I am so passionate about pick-up is because it involves one of my favorite activities: hot, dicknotizing sex, of course! Well, you can't talk pick-up without addressing one of the consequences for fucking irresponsibly: STDs. Unless you know for sure you're both clean, you should be using condoms - no matter how hot she is. What is it about a woman's looks that gives guys a false sense of security? Case-in-point: apparently, the producers for the reality show, “The Bachelor” are struggling to recruit women for their show. Why? Well, so few of female contestants can pass the medical examination. They keep testing positive for herpes! As you may or may not know, Herpes is a nasty, chronic disease that results in periodic outbreaks of sores, flu-like symptoms, and even swollen glands. These topics are not fun to write or even think about, but part of being a better man is taking the steps to protect yourself (and your partners).

My Roadmap to Solid Inner Game

I’ve always said that inner game is the game. Whether you want to call it “being yourself” or possessing true confidence, the underlying idea is the same: an unconditional, unshakable love for yourself – all of yourself, your strengths and your supposed deficits. Without this deeply held love for yourself, you will never have satisfying success with women or in life, regardless of which seduction philosophy you follow. I have met guys who have read every seduction e-book in existence and taken several boot camps, yet they still struggle with approach anxiety. They memorize or create routines that hide their true personalities and insecurities rather than break the ice. They have progressed from being socially isolated nerds to sexually-starved nerds addicted to going to bars and clubs and discussing pickup. While they have more friends, which is clearly an improvement, they are still not actually picking anyone up. Is that progress? Does this sound familiar?

The missing piece is inner game, which cannot be learned from an e-book, audio program, or slick DVD. You cannot wish away approach anxiety with NLP patterns or tapping. While you can open a series of sets until you become “in state,” having to do that every time you’re in public is an incredible burden to take on, making burnout inevitable. And while it feels good for a little while, you cannot gain it by “fucking ten other women.” When you look for happiness at the end of a vagina, you end up like the hole you chase so desperately: empty. I have made all the mistakes laid out above and only point them out to help others become happier. My own self-confidence hits a new plateau every month along with my personal happiness and career success. The next question is obvious: how do you do it? What made the difference for you? Four words: The Authentic Man Program. I am in no way affiliated with them, but I will give credit to a program that very likely saved my life.

Approximately a year ago, I attended the Cliff’s List Convention in Montreal. The week-end featured an impressive, diverse array of PUAs and dating experts which included Travis Decker and Brian Bayer from AuthenticSF. They offered a free, one hour demonstration where their specially-trained women were able to read and articulate my insecurities with such accuracy and candor, I was immediately amazed. Imagine encountering human lie detector tests in padded bras and blonde hair. This wasn't cold reading; it was speaking the truth about me in a way that made my blood run cold! I admit it…I was scared! I haven’t felt that emotionally vulnerable in a long time.

I later signed up for their Authentic Man Program, an inner game boot camp of sorts where you work with other men on the first two days to prepare you for the third and final day. During that time, you do exercises to get you reconnecting again to your emotions and desire. Granted, talking about your feelings hardly is appealing to any guy, yet this process is crucial so you can pinpoint the insecurities that have been holding you back, often outside of your own awareness. After all, if you are unaware of a problem, how can you overcome it? The third day is a different animal as you work with women who push you to the emotional limit. They pull no punches in telling you how you come across during an approach and how the things you do to hide your insecurities merely amplify them.

This program is not for the faint of heart, but I know nothing better or even similar in rebuilding your inner game and taking your relating with women to levels you never thought possible. For my female readers, fear not! There’s a female version of the program called the Authentic Women Experience (AWE).

This past week-end, I returned to San Francisco for a new program AuthenticSF is offering called the Advanced Intimacy Course (AIC). AIC pairs 6 AMP grads with 6 AWE grads to explore how to create intimacy on an incredibly deep and vulnerable level. As expected, this program is even more intense that AMP, as AMP and AWE grads challenged each other to push ourselves emotionally to uncover the issues that are holding us back from true intimacy.

I was particularly impressed with the AWE grads. I had a long conversation with one of them over dinner and I was blown away by how much pain women also suffer in dating and relationships. I always thought they had it easy. I have long been jealous and angry of how a girl could just walk into a bar and take just about any guy home. She doesn’t even have to approach; she just has to look easy. However, there’s more stuff I didn’t even consider before and while I can’t tell you specifics as I swore to confidentiality, let’s just say I have a new empathy for the other side. And it was interesting to see how the same insecurities that plague me often plague people of both genders; they just manifest themselves differently in each person.