I recently came across an article on stereotype threat, which Wikipedia defines as "the fear that one's behavior will confirm an existing stereotype of a group with which one identifies. This fear may lead to an impairment of performance."The term was coined by social psychologists Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson who conducted studies where white and black students took the GRE. Half of participants of each group were told that the test was determining their intelligence while the other half did not receive that information. They found that the white students performed about equally well in both experimental conditions whereas the black students performed far worse in the group that believed that the test was measuring intelligence. The researchers concluded that this discrepancy resulted from the black students' anxiety over confirming the stereotype of racial intellectual inferiority.
Of course, blacks are far from the only ones who do this. The same researchers found similar results when they examined gender instead of race and had the participants take straight math exams instead of the GRE. Again, they found that women scored lower on math tests than their male counterparts when they were told that men tend to score higher on such exams.
These studies suggest that when called upon, most people have such a weak sense of reality, they'll live out established stereotypes rather than determining their own destinies. Even worse, they are often unaware that they are doing this. We have millions of people full of anger, bitterness, and misery, all because they live their lives by how others define them.
I believe stereotype threat is actually the same phenomenon community members refer to as approach anxiety. You approach a girl and are afraid of confirming that stereotype of being the guy who is not worthy of her. That anxiety often keeps you from even trying and if you do, that anxiety stifles and ultimately destroys your approach. You are then rejected or interpret her reaction as such and your negative beliefs are reinforced. Congratulations. You have just lived out a stereotype.
Not convinced? Ever been to one of those pickup summits? Ever notice who makes up the majority of the audience? Sure, there are always exceptions, such as myself, but most of the people are stereotypical white nerds and ultra-timid Asians. Why? Society pumps out messages all the time that smart people, particularly smart whites and Asians, suck with women. A recent example is the TV show,Beauty and the Geek, which implies that under normal conditions, such a setup would be impossible.
I made this realization during a conversation with Alfredo, one of the Declassified Drills instructors. He is Asian and we had a fascinating conversation about our backgrounds, how we were both raised in predominantly white communities, and how that impacted our current identities.
I always had among the highest grades in my classes, so I was genuinely oblivious to the notion of racial differences in IQ until the publication of The Bell Curve, which I essentially laughed off as ludicrous. It was outside my reality. I was unaware though that I was living out a different stereotype. Though I was a big fat, black guy, in my mind, I was the meek, lil white nerd - you know, the kind that sucks with women. I remember back in my mid teens how I planned out the next fifteen years of my life, elaborating on a plan to earn enough money one day to buy...I mean court...the girl of my dreams and end my perpetual sexual frustration. After some wrangling, I eventually settled on becoming a plastic surgeon, which explains why Nip/Tuck is omy favorite TV show. The plan got me into a prestigious college but not inside a slutty blonde.
Then something life-changing occurred. Following college, I began working with needy clients in poor, urban areas. In these communities, the women very often took care of chronically broke, irresponsible bad boys. In my reality, men wooed women. Here, the women were doing everything in their power to stay with men who were never faithful. Raised in the Catholic faith, I thought that men and women eventually married and the guy just had to risk losing his fortune if the relationship went south. Here, nobody ever married. The guys just fucked one chick after another, often their girlfriends' sisters, cousins, friends, mother, and even underage daughter. I thought flowers and fancy restaurants made women horny; these guys wouldn't even take their women to Wendy's. Instead, the women cooked for them. What's going on here?! I now know what was happening was reverse supplication, where the guys gave the women awesome sex and affection and in return, the women gave them...well, anything! More important, I was introduced to a reality I didn't know existed.
Guys are often told to "be themselves." Too often, however, they are just living out the label placed on them long ago and they think they're being themselves. Perhaps better advice would be to define yourself and live out your life on your terms.
If you really want to be successful in pickup or anything in life, you must develop an awareness of who you're allowing to define you. Only then can you recognize when you're selling yourself out and exercise the power to run your own life.
I ask again: who runs you?
