The Dicknotist Has Moved!

In the first of many revelations to come, I have a new address! Update your bookmarks:

http://dicknotist.becomingapua.com

Gentlemen (and the lovely ladies)...get ready!

Edit: I only keep this post up to preserve the history of my writings. For a while, I was at the above address, but as you can see, I'm back. So, keep your eyes right here: www.thedicknotist.net

-The Dicknotist

Rankings Kill Confidence

Leave it to Johnny Soporno to provide another classic video clip to illustrate my point.

If you peruse the archives, you'll find that I haven't ranked women in quite some time. Ok, I whipped out the "FUPA, GUPA, and CHALUPA" definitions, but that was more for self-amusement. I mean you'll never see me describe a girl as "HB 9.574." On one hand, that number may give you an idea of her level of beauty. If you follow a seduction method that emphasizes assessing a woman's value to assist in calibration or "negging," then this number may be helpful. However, there is a cost.

What men find attractive varies from guy-to-guy, culture-to-culture, race-to-race, and which respective porn star introduced him to the wonders of self-stimulation. Given these differences, a ranking means little to anyone but the guy who chose the number. More important, if you rank her, you'll certainly rank yourself and subconsciously see if you two match up. Welcome to the phenomenon of "being in your head."

The brain is awful at seduction. Years of societal and feminist brainwashing mixed in with insecurities that arose from life experiences makes your mind as incompetent at pick-up as George Bush is in conducting a war.

Let your cock be your guide. If she makes you hard, she's a "yes." If you taste puke as you look into her eyes, she's a "no." There are no maybes. Behind every maybe is an indecisive guy with an inner game issue. If you can't lead yourself, you can't lead a woman.

Focus on the yeses across the board and you'll free yourself up of concerns of how you stack up. There is no need to "demonstrate higher value." Putting in the work to become a better man by itself makes you high value. As Johnny says in the clip above: "It's much harder for a woman to find a worthwhile guy than for a guy to find a hot chick."

"Get Comfortable with Women, Not Your Game"

Lord knows there is more than enough internet advice on succeeding with women. Sadly, like anything written in Maxim Magazine, much of information contains too much bloviation and too little microcalibration (a.k.a. it's pure garbage). When you interact with women and actually apply what you read, you learn quickly the importance of the nuances the author left out. Every line or technique is conducive to a guy with a particular type of personality interacting with a particular type of girl. When taken out of context, hilarity and humiliation ensue...none of which end in a lay. Your own stuff is always more powerful because authenticity is powerful...electric...and undeniable.

In sifting through the rubbish and picking out the gold nuggets, I found this gem of an article from Ian Coburn, a comedian who wrote, "God is a Woman: Dating Disasters." Here's an excerpt:

Get her number within five minutes of talking with her and then leave. Wait five days before calling her. We’ve all read these purported general guaranteed approaches to meeting women reiterated tirelessly in numerous articles and books by pick up artists, alpha males, and other dating experts. Rubbish. Quick question—what about her?

The general problem with both the alpha male and pua philosophy is that there is little focus, if any, on the woman. The techniques are far more concerned with dominance, being cool, meeting lots of women, and racing against some imagined clock. I am pleased to see the communities and to see them growing because they’ve created open dialogue among guys about women and sex, which are topics guys don’t explore outside of a quickly commented, “She’s hot,” “I need to meet her,” or “I still gotta give that girl from last week a call,” or a similar blurb. While the pua and alpha male societies tend to get a bad rap from women and society, they are actually good guys. Most of them aren’t looking to get laid or abuse women; they’re simply looking to develop socializing skills with women and date. Perhaps the biggest reason people frown upon them is because they have created terminology which sounds cold and degrading; in order to better teach guys, and communicate amongst themselves more effectively and efficiently. Outsiders erroneously interpret their language as meant to degrade or trivialize women. Examples include terms like “negging,” “skills set,” and numbering women on a scale from one to ten. It’s easy to see how an outsider could quickly perceive these terms as negative. The overall terminology and approach are described as “game.”

Therein lies the most glaring problem with the preached approach—the focus has become on the game, forgetting about the women. Participants focus on developing an arsenal of opening lines, rehearsed moves, and counter-responses to expressed disinterest by the “target” (woman). The point of game should be to develop confidence, people skills, and sense of humor, all leading to improvisation—being able to handle interacting with women in any situation. Once that is achieved, the game should be cast aside, no longer needed. I always like to use my own personal experience to illustrate.

Read the rest of the article here.

Can't Buy Me Love

You just have to give chodes some love. They make the world a more hilarious place. Check out this story from Ananova.com:

A wealthy lawyer says he must be the ugliest man in the world after having 5,000 marriage proposals turned down.

Croatian lawyer, Emil Kacic, who has logged all the failures in a little black book, said: "Money can't buy you love, at least if you have a face like mine."

After placing adverts in local papers stressing his wealth with words like "tender and rich lawyer looks for a pretty lady to marry" and then "disgustingly rich lawyer looks for a pretty lady to marry", he was still unable to find a wife.

He said: "I've got to the point where I have even been asking women I am meeting in the streets to marry me, but they always say no."

Kacic, from Zagreb, said he had now accepted that he must be the ugliest man in the world.

In an interview with daily newspaper, Vecernji List, dejected Kacic said: "I've tried placing all kinds of different ads, but not a single woman I've met through my adverts has accepted my offer. What else is there to believe, other than that I must be the ugliest man in the world."

But disappointment has yet to defeat hope: "No success yet, but I will keep trying," he resolved, adding: "I hope all the publicity over my failed search for love might bring me love at last."

If chodes had a mascot, Emil Kacic would be their perfect cheerleader. In typical chode fashion, he ignores the financial realities of the world today. Long gone are the days where guys can rely on the economic limitations of women and buy themselves a wife. In fact, in major cities, a new generation of working women are earning more than their male counterparts. More women than men are graduating from college and med schools. So, if you're relying on good grades and a high income to get the girl of your dreams, plan on dropping that cash in a psychologist's bank account. By the time you hit forty and realize that you still suck with women, there will be a tremendous amount of pent up frustration and anger to extinguish.

Zan Hits the Mainstream!

What do you get when you cross the chode from American Pie with the chode from CSI: Miami? Hollywood's latest attempt at cashing in on the budding pick-up phenomenon.

For those of you who bemoan the increasing visibility of the pick-up community, grab another antacid. A mainstream film starring people I've actually heard of is coming out soon and features teachings and language straight out of the community. Yes, there is even a hip hop song that is actually dorkier than the one on DVD 5 of Neil Strauss' Annihilation Method. Throw dem doves up fo' Let the Game Begin!

The basic plot is what you'd expect: Thomas Ian Nicholas plays Max, your typical wealthy chode who gets screwed over by his gold digging wife and just wants to find the right girl. Adam Rodriguez plays Max's cousin, Ricky, who introduces him to the community and teaches him lessons straight out of the Venusian Arts Handbook. Along to help the guys out is the famed Zan Perrion who plays himself. Yes, that Zan.

Do not be fooled by his appearance in a film that heavily promotes Mystery's teachings (albeit "indirectly"). Zan's philosophy and approach to seduction are a dramatic 180 from the tactics and beliefs that propelled Erik von Markovik to VH1-level fame. Zan has been instrumental in keeping me focused when I suffered various setbacks over the past two years that challenged my fundamental love of women. Frustration, anger, and heartache are guarantees in life and many guys take the easy route and turn to misogyny or depression. Zan's writings have always reminded me that "a man who likes women is liked by women." Indeed, a man who fucks a woman he doesn't even like is a man who is lost.

Too many gurus in the community promote a mindset that places women as an enemy to be manipulated, conquered, and annihilated. On the contrary, women are complicit in their own seduction. They fantasize about being taken on a wild sexual adventure with a man to whom they can surrender. In fact, this surrender goes both ways.

Zan often professes that "the secret to [a seducer's] power over women lies in the power they have over him." Ever wonder what he means? What screws men up with women is that they become overwhelmed in the presence of their beauty, sex appeal, and inherent radiance. Successful seducers surrender to their desires. They feel no shame for their lust; they revel in it. They do not hide their interest in a woman; their intentions are transparent. They do not hold back their sexual power; they radiate it.

Believe the hype: the self-professed "enlightened seducer" is a giant who stands tall among a sea of indirect clowns who continue to rip off the Mystery Method Minstrel Show. Zan is the fucking man!

In addition to Zan's appearance, the film also includes an impressive casting of hotties, including Canadian-fashion-model-turned-actress Natasha Henstridge and the stunningly blonde porn star Jesse Jane who often guest stars in my dicknidreams.

The film is interestingly similar to the best PUA movie to date, Roger Dodger. The film is simply outstanding and the critics agree, but audiences did not. Without a major star to market these niche films to mainstream audiences, this movie is more likely to achieve clut status on DVD than become this year's surprise hit. I am still waiting for The Game to be made into a movie with Johnny Depp playing Mystery. That's the film that can achieve blockbuster status!

You be the judge. Check out the trailer.

Soporno On a Plane!

Somehow I found the downtime to include this quick blog post. Consider it a special bonus.

Nothing makes a long plane ride more bearable than sitting back and listening to Johnny Soporno's wisdom. If you recall, I met Johnny at the 2006 Cliff's List Convention in Montreal. He spoke at length about threesomes and he brought along the lovely Violet Marcell, (pictured behind him in blue, second from the left) who also has a budding career in adult films. Yes, as the name suggests, Johnny also produces porn films on the side.

As you can imagine, the "Relationship Bodhisattva" brings an interesting and unique perspective on any topic he discusess and seduction is no exception. He recently posted a free 6 hour lecture on his website entitled "Seductive Reasoning." The program includes some of the most intriguing and radical reframes I have come across in some time. Truly unique and unforgettable. Check it out.

Advanced AMP: Be Back in a Week or Two!

No updates for the next week or two guys. I am both nervous and excited to return to San Francisco for the Advanced Authentic Man Program (Advanced AMP). Regular readers of this blog know that I hate commercialism and but I can't help but once again highly recommend a unique program that quite honestly changed my life in a way that nothing else has. Religion ain't got shit on AMP!

If you are really serious in improving your inner game, check them out. They're much pricier now than when I took the course a year ago, but it's still worth every penny. If you're still unsure, you can get their free 3 DVD set, The Power of Presence, which will give you an idea of what you're in for, though they truly don't do the course justice.

Of course, AMP is really for the truly brave. They will go deep into your insecurities and if you're truly not willing to open up and work on them, then wait until you are. If you do take that step though, the payoff is immeasurable.

So, I will be away for a week and am eager to return a new man and unleash a new, more potent rampage of Dicknotization when I return.

Later guys and thanks for all your emails of support.

There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia...

One of my good friends once proclaimed that the top 20% of men fuck about 80% of the women while the remaining chodes fight over the cellulite-soaked scraps. Apparently, he was too kind.

A new study published online in the American Journal of Public Health found that 11% of U.S. men fuck more than one person at a time. Here are the details:

Oct. 31, 2007 -- Eleven percent of U.S. men have concurrent sex partners, meaning they are in more than one sexual relationship at a time, a new study shows.

The study, published online in the American Journal of Public Health, is based on a CDC study conducted from March 2002 through March 2003.

More than 4,900 men ages 15-44 participated in telephone interviews about their sex lives, including the dates during which they were in sexual relationships in the previous year.

Concurrent sexual relationships were particularly common among these groups:

* Unmarried men
* Men who had been in prison
* Men who reported being intoxicated while having sex
* Men who have had sex with men
* Men with female sex partners who had concurrent sexual relationships of their own

That mix may put those men -- and their partners -- at higher risk of contracting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

African-American and Hispanic men were more likely than white men to report concurrent sexual relationships.

But in all ethnic groups, most men had "no more than one sexual partner" in the previous year," write Adaora Adimora, MD, MPH, and colleagues, who work at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine in Chapel Hill, N.C.

Even 11% is too high as it includes guys who like to dabble with other dudes. So, it's safe to say that less than 1 in 10 guys actually achieve the promiscuous, heterosexual lifestyle portrayed in videos such as the classic DMX song attached to this post. This observation begs the question: why? Do they truly desire monogamous relationships, are they blindly following societal programming, or do they simply lack the skills of a ladies man? The answer is likely some combination of the three.

A critical component is laziness. There's something about sexual success that breeds complacency in most men. Many guys talk a good game, but after they get a regular fuck buddy or a girlfriend, they get lax and slowly fade from the game till they suffer a catastrophic breakup. After they recover from their anger and depression, they come back, game the level of girls they did before, and the same thing happens again. Ultimately, this study proves what I've known anecdotally for quite some time. Despite what the media promotes and the baseless complaints of many woman, most guys actually stay monogamous.

What can we make of these findings? Is one lifestyle more desirable than the other? I can think of sound arguments for both sides, but uncharacteristically, I'm going to let you all decide for yourselves.

Develop your inner game and learn the necessary seduction skills to achieve your goals, whatever they may be. However, always live according to your own values...and make sure those values are actually your own, not what society continues to pump into your brain to serve its own purpose. Whether you desire one woman, a thousand, or some number in between, be sure to bring the experience of Dicknotism to every lucky lady, regardless of whether her name is "Lisa, Veronica, Karen, [or] Vicky."

Comfort & Compliance

I'm a fan of rapid seductions. They're exciting, electric, and oh so naughty. What's not to love? Actually, some people just have no love for the quick lay. In fact, there is a strong tenancy in the community to write them off "fool's mate." I'm sure some of you are wondering how a chess term made its way into seduction lexicon. We can thank Mystery who redefined the term in his "The Venusian Arts Handbook:"

In the game of chess, it is possible to win in only three moves. This gambit is called fool's mate. Winning with speed via fool's mate does not however make you a chess champion. If anything, it only demonstrates your opponent's inexperience. An experienced chess player will not even attempt a fast fool's mate for, if the opponent doesn't take the bait, he leaves the player in a weak position. Similarly, while it is possible to seduce with speed, it is much less probable on a woman who is socially experienced. In the venusian arts, we refer to seduction first tactics as fool's mate for the metaphorical similarity. Instead, both chess champions and venusian artists prefer to play a solid game.

The main limitation with relying on fool's mate is, the more social the woman, the less likely it will work. Seducers sacrifice their freedom of choice and relegate themselves to praying on the socially inexperienced; girls who rarely get approached. These girls have little choice but to settle for the uncomfortable advances of the typical seducer. Unfortunately (or fortunately from a Machiavellian point of view), this includes preying on the young, the lonely, those with apparent low self-esteem, the anti-social, and the less than beautiful.

Mystery is famous for saying that it typically takes him an average of seven hours to sleep with a woman. What others see as a seduction law, I see as a devastating limiting belief. What else can you conclude when he admittedly sees guys who seduce rapidly as predators and their willing women as ugly, self-hating, socially-retarded loners? You can smell the aversion spewing through the electronic letters of his e-book. Yet, is it still fool's mate when you close a woman who does not embody the above description? I think of at least one LR in particular when I encounter the woman's 20 cock-blocking friends. I doubt she is the anti-social type. Maybe she's an exception, but what if you keep running into exceptions? Amazing how one's beliefs shape both his sexual experiences and the type of women he encounters.

Mystery places a huge focus on comfort, where the man makes the women at ease and builds enough rapport to minimize last minute resistance (LMR). He once proclaimed, "The game is played in comfort." Practitioners of his teachings will bemoan that LMR occurs because the man did not establish enough comfort to overcome her anti-slut defense.

Here's the truth: the only comfort a woman needs is some assurance that you will not kill her when you two are alone and that you will not become needy or stalk her after you have sex. Rather than focus on making her comfortable, focus on getting comfortable with yourself, your environment, and your sexual desire for her. Some of you worry that you may creep her out or that she will resist isolation if comfort is not established. Women will only see you as creepy if you hide your true intentions; they will see right through the charade with a stunning speed. When you are at ease in your own skin, something magical happens. Other people, including women, will feel at ease around you and will be more comfortable opening up.

So, if you drop comfort, how do you prevent LMR? If you work her hard enough, there is no LMR. Solid game truly hinges on compliance, where you reverse the roles of the typical prostitute-john relationship. Here's how it works.

Traditionally, the man acts as the john and spends money and performs all sorts of favors to win the woman over and get laid. If he encounters LMR, he will often make the mistake of pushing harder, tossing a guilt trip on her, or becoming angry, only to encounter greater resistance for his troubles. This scenario is so common, these actions are deeply embedded in the traditional courtship ritual where the man acts to accelerate the sex and the woman puts on the brakes. However, are these behaviors truly a function of gender or the relationship dynamic? If the roles were reversed, would the girl do the same?

When you scan the archives and read some of my more recent LRs, you will find that by the time I was back at her place for sex, there was no LMR. On the contrary, she jumped my bones! How can this be? One factor that cannot be denied is a greater societal acceptance of women acting on their sexual desires in much the same manner men traditionally have. The main factor, however, is that I reversed the relationship dynamic.

When you make a girl work for you, she becomes the john and you become the prostitute, where she spends money and courts you and in return, you reward her with sex and affection. In that dynamic, when you are in isolation, she will act the same way a male courter traditionally would. Not only will she want to fuck you and push hard to do so...she will be pissed if you resist. She yearns for a return on her investment. So, be a gentleman and give it to her!

Sometimes You Just Don't Talk About Fight Club...

Looks like I stumbled onto some great PUA secret of some kind. Barely two hours after I emailed Franco asking for more information about the film, IMAPUA, he sent me the following reply:

We do not comment on projects in development, though we thank you for your interest. I am curious how you found out about the project.

Best,

Franco

Not only that, but the whole site including the trailer has been taken down. Bummer. Sometimes, I guess you just don't talk about fight club...

If anyone has more information on this project, shoot me an email. Your identity will be protected.

The Power Of Dicknotism

Mama Chalupa,

It's not just "the power of the penis." It's about total dick domination! That's the power of Dicknotism! Preach it, Sista Tylor!

IMAPUA!

They're making documentaries for every topic under the sun these days. Why not do one on the seduction community? I know very little about the details, but from the trailer, it appears this film chronicles the exploits of a guy named Franco Barbeite. He goes into the community and trains with several gurus to transform himself into a top-notch pick-up artist. Hmmm...that storyline sounds familiar. Can any of you relate?

Those of you who are skilled at downloading (I mean "buying") seduction products will recognize most of the PUA celebs: Badboy, Meehow, David DeAngelo, Mystery, Kendra from AuthenticSF, & Vin DiCarlo. In fact, looking at Vin in the video, the film must have been shot almost two years ago!

Some of the footage seems to be from the 2006 Cliff's List Convention, which has yet to be released. I attended that legendary week-end and I'm still waiting on my complimentary copy. *cough* Cliff...hurry up! *cough*

Check out the trailer here.

Incongruence: A Cautionary Tale

I recently came across a controversial blog post that warns of the pitfalls of the community.

"I have nothing against the idea of trying to learn the stuff the Community teaches, I just think you need to extract the benefits and avoid succumbing to the weirdness."

Most of the criticism against the community are from mainstream media sources who truly have no understanding of what the community's about or the men who comprise it. For instance, the December 2007 issue of Psychology Today has an article on PUAs that includes a quote from an author who claims, "Casanovas tend to exhibit some traits associated with psychopathy..." I have no idea where this theory materialized from as I do not recall Ted Bundy ever teaching seduction bootcamps, though he was particularly skilled at closing corpses.

Of all the criticisms of the community I've read, this guy's post was the most fair and accurate. However, most of the article describes guys who neglect their inner game and the chaos that ensues. Setting aside true psychiatric conditions such as Autism or Asperger Syndrome, most of the weirdness and wackiness the author describes results from guys who are more concerned with emulating their favorite gurus than dealing with their core insecurities. Examples of this phenomenon are splattered all throughout Neil Strauss' book, The Game, where each of the main characters become more dysfunctional and bizarre as the story unfolds. Ross Jeffries sniffs a woman's butt in public. Tyler Durden's a scheming sociopath who lives rent-free in a closet. Mystery's a suicidal narcissist who gets locked up in a nut house. One guy takes pride in losing his virginity to a prostitute in Mexico. They all thought sex would solve their problems. Nobody warned them that their problems would still be around whether they're getting laid or not. Whether you're in a relationship or single, a lack of sex is always a symptom of a much deeper, more complicated problem.

Most of you have heard of "incongruence" through community jargon, but the concept originated from a famous psychologist named Carl Rogers. He theorized that when you present yourself to be different from who you actually are, you will unconsciously produce a great deal of anxiety trying to deal with the paradox. The body's solution is to find ways to let your true inner thoughts and desires leak through unconsciously while you consciously fight to maintain the facade. The resulting internal battle you display looks to an outside person to be "off," "eccentric," or "creepy."

Guys who study alpha body language but still twitch or fidget have exhibited this phenomenon. Guys with low self-esteem who try to act confident but come across as cocky and fake have exhibited this phenomenon. Guys who struggle to hold eye contact as they're telling someone a lie have exhibited this phenomenon. When you take on behaviors and beliefs that you do not personally exhibit, you are doomed to fail.

When you are learning a new behavior or come across a novel belief system, before you implement it, ask yourself one question: What do I have to believe about myself so that this technique or mindset would happen naturally? Does this behavior, belief, or technique align with who you are: your personality, your core values, and your sense of self?

I remember discussing the utility and power of dirty talk during sex to two of my old college buddies who were visiting from out of town. Their reaction was sheer incredulity, claiming that if they said any of that stuff to their girlfriends, they would probably laugh at them. At first I was going to argue, but the truth is, they're probably right. Their incongruence would make them come across as strange, odd, or downright funny - in the I'm laughing at you not with you sort of way. Unless they have the core belief that women crave to be sexually ravished physically, emotionally, and verbally, anything they say or do from Spiritfinger's sex manual would lead to disastrous results. If the belief is not there, no technique will work and no product will save you.

The road to solid inner game is paved not with shortcuts, but persistence. You need the right mindset and if your current beliefs are dysfunctional, you have to change them instead of taking on the persona of someone else.

So, how do you change those limiting beliefs? Stay tuned...