Cosmo's Tips On Juggling Men

I love Cosmo Magazine. Within its pages are the latest, greatest seduction methods women employ on men. Nothing else gives you a more raw, uncensored, and honest look inside the female mind. If you can skip through all the make-up tips, you'll learn quite a bit.

I don't actually buy the magazine, but I do listen to Cosmo Radio on Sirius and subscribe to their weekly e-mail list. I recently came across this article they have on juggling men. Notice how many of these tips can be just as effective for men to use on women as the other way around.

Juggling Rule 1: Cram Your Calendar

You may be tempted to play it safe and spread out your dates so that you can get to know each of your suitors one by one. But being so politely planned out — limiting yourself to one guy per weekend or even per day — could cause you to lose momentum. So go ahead and pack your PDA with appointments as tightly as you can swing it. You'll get a rush from the excitement and gain a sexy, dating-queen confidence at the same time. "There are plenty of benefits to having lots of dates, not the least of which is that you'll project a self-assured, carefree attitude when meeting new people, men in particular," says Gould. When Geena,* 24, was on a romantic roll, she filled her schedule with as many back-to-back dates as possible. "One day, I had lunch with a hot coworker and went dirty dancing that same night with a guy I'd met at my salsa class. The next evening, I invited a group of friends out for drinks, including a guy I wanted to get to know better, and I flirted like mad with him and the babe bartender," she admits. "I felt so full of sexy energy, and I think it showed: The boys couldn't get enough of me. It was like being in love, but I was in love with life — not with any one guy." Really want to flex your multimanhandling muscle? Don't just double book for the same day; do it for the same event. For example, if you're going to get a gang together to tailgate at this weekend's football game, ask both guys you're drooling over to come. Or throw a dinner party and include two of your pursuers on the guest list. You'll get to play flirty hostess, and no doubt, your suitors will detect a hint of mystery about you. They'll wonder, Is she feeling that guy more than me? Or is he just her friend? Guys come alive in the face of competition. Your job? To eat it up.

Interesting indeed. You can read the rest of the jugglingtips right here.

-The Dicknotist

Stylelife Humor

Rules of the Game - Episode 2: Be a Man's MAN (by Neil Strau



Add to My Profile | More VideosAs many of you know, Neil Strauss recently came out with a sequel to his smash hit, "The Game," with "Rules of the Game." He is also having much fun celebrating with these hilarious videos on his myspace page. The best part is his new relationship with David Faustino whom many of you may remember as Bud Bundy on Married...With Children. I grew up watching Bud's misadventures with women and rank that show only second to The Cosby Show as my all-time favorite sitcom. Enjoy and check out Strauss' myspace page for more irreverent humor.

"Hopefully, She Got Some Teeth"

Above is the trailer for a new movie coming out in January 2008 called "Teeth." Here's the synopsis from the official website of the film:

High school student Dawn works hard at suppressing her budding sexuality by being the local chastity group's most active participant. Her task is made even more difficult by her bad boy stepbrother Brad's increasingly provocative behavior at home. A stranger to her own body, innocent Dawn discovers she as a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence. As she struggles to comprehend her anatomical uniqueness, Dawn experiences both the pitfalls and the power of being a living example of the vagina dentata myth.

So, what is this myth? Vagina dentata is Latin for toothed vagina. Back in the day, they used to tell a cautionary tale to young boys about a guy who had sex with a woman whose vagina had teeth; she then proceeded to castrate him.

South Park fans will remember a faint, but classic reference to this myth in the episode, "Red Hot Catholic Love," which pokes fun at the Catholic Church priest sex abuse. In one scene, a collection of priests, bishops and cardinals are discussing the scandal, and the head of the Gelgamek Catholics angrily objects to Father Maxi's suggestion of discouraging molestation of young boys by allowing priests to have sex with women. In response, he bellowed, "The Gelgamek vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor-sharp teeth! Do you really expect us to have sex with them?" Hence the purpose of telling such ridiculous myths - to discourage sex by shaming people's desires. It is no surprise that this "toothed vagina" myth perfectly symbolizes many of the anxieties and insecurities that can screw up a guy during sex: looking weak, being vulnerable, getting hurt, or being impotent.

Now, here's the twist: there is actually some truth to the myth. Vaginas can have teeth...if they have dermoid cysts. Dermoid cysts are derived from the outer layers of embryonic skin and can sprout anywhere, including the vagina. They can also grow anything that comes from the outer layers of the embryo, including hair, bones, and teeth.

Here's a hypothetical: if you had a woman with these cysts, wouldn't you want to fuck it just out of curiosity? What if instead of biting or nicking you, they'd actually enhance sex, sort of like how a well-placed tongue ring can make a regular blow job an unforgettable one. It's almost like getting from a girl with braces. Would it help or hinder? Would my cum stay lodged in her braces and she'd have to pick it out with a toothpick at my amusement?

Well, if that trailer can stir up this many scenarios, I'm sure the film will give more fodder for thought.

-The Dicknotist

Finally! Natural Game in the Media

Hey guys. This is Paul Janka and he’s a sex addict. No, he probably isn’t, but that didn’t stop MSNBC’s Meredith Vieira and some hack therapist from saying so. Paul is just a natural out of NYC who wrote an e-book entitled, “Getting Laid in NYC: Technology for the Single Man.”

You have to respect his media savvy. He is getting all this press despite the fact he is merely the 500th guy to write a pick-up manual. Clearly, he is exploiting the public’s ignorance and judgmental attitude toward “casanovas/scoundrels” to publicize his work, resulting in more sales. David DeAngelo would be proud.

I have read his e-book and it is simply excellent. His attitude just oozes Dicknotism:

All my pulls are in the flesh, and I’m aggressive. I believe it’s a lot about chemistry, and a privilege of males is that you get to choose. If you see something you like, go after it. It is caveman style, but I bet cavemen had pretty good sex lives. In fact, I’m sure they did, because we’re here.

-Paul Janka, Getting Laid in NYC: Technology for the Single Guy

Check out his first video appearance, his blog on MSNBC, the public’s comments, and his second appearance. After months of having Mystery serve as the public face of pick-up, it’s refreshing to see a normal guy with a normal name and a more natural, direct style for once.

-The Dicknotist

Dicknotism Knows Best

The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn.

-Erica Jong in her novel, The Fear of Flyin

One of my favorite blogs is Khiem's Kiss N'Tale, which recently had a thought-provoking post entitled "Women Do Know." The post features a fascinating IM discussion with an older woman who clearly subscribes to the old-school, coquette school of seduction. She essentially argues that an intense, slow-burning seduction over weeks or months is preferred over quick lays because "if u jump the guys' bones too soon, u depreciate it." In other words, a woman who sleeps with a man quickly loses value and the man doesn't respect her the next day.

The slut stigma is alive and well and her concern is very valid. There are many guys who will jump a girls' bones quickly if given the opportunity and judge her harshly for it afterwards. I believe this is related to the part of the male ego that has to feel special...like he accomplished something great by bedding a woman he desires. However, how special can he be if she's just a skank who sleeps with every guy on the first date? When you're having sex for self-esteem rather than for pleasure, that's the mentality that results. In all likelihood, she probably doesn't sleep with anybody and everybody. Otherwise, a lot of pick-up and dating coach companies would go out of business. She probably slept with him because she was attracted to him. I can't imagine a greater compliment, but as the saying goes, "no good deed goes unpunished."

The part of the post I take issue with, however, is where Khiem agrees with her and criticizes the mindset behind PUAs who prefer to lay girls quickly.

I sometimes feel that parts of the Pick-Up Community encourages guys to bed women too quickly. It’s probably stemming from the “fake it until you make it” mentality: “Oh no… I better bed that girl soon before she finds out I’m really not that cool of a guy.”

For some guys, this is an unhealthy mindset to uphold. I understand that laying a lot of women quickly is a lifestyle choice but it has to be something you desire. For the majority of “nice guys” who are just trying to improve their dating success, there is NOTHING wrong with taking your time. The psychology of attraction is the same whether you take 1 night to get the girl or 3 months to do so.

Khiem has a legitimate point. Having a mindset that you need to bed her quickly is a terrible inner game issue to have, but only guys who suck at quick lays will have that problem. The guy who looks for a quick close out of a fear of loss reeks of desperation and that, in turn, guarantees he'll fail.

This example perfectly illustrates the difference between inner and outer game. If you just observe what I do, you'll see that I strongly prefer quick lays. However, with inner game, you have to consider the motivation behind those quick lays.

Quick lays are the pinnacle of strong inner game. Too often, guys hold back in their interactions with women out of a fear of going too far, offending her, and getting rejected. Imagine the level of confidence it takes to smoothly and comfortably escalate all the way to sex without worrying whether she'll still be into you the next morning or if her attraction for you is legitimate.

I agree with the woman in the IM conversation that sexual tension should be built and intensified over several months. The difference is that for her, sex is the end. For me, sex is the very beginning. It only gets better with time, so why postpone having the very best sex together? Start early, learn each other's bodies, and take yourself to heights of ecstasy the drug couldn't replicate.

-The Dicknotist

Ask The Dicknotist: Sexual Eye Contact

You just have to love success stories. I got the following e-mail from Black Bush:

Hey Dicknotist!

Thanks, for the monkier, LOL. I read and took your advice from my email. I really appreciate it. It's what I've needed to hear. And actually have told before, but ignored. In life, there are times you need to hear things from other people to really believe the truth and logic in it. Anyways, I took your advice and ran with it. As for part 1, I only said "non-committal" words a few times throughout the week. And when I did, I caught myself and said things more definitively. It was much easier than I thought. And I wasn't scared of being wrong. I just went with it. People actually started waiting around to see what I would decide to do next. Those situations when I was indecisive were few and far between. But, when I caught myself and made sure I led in some direction, rather than none at all. For all they knew, people were following George Custer, and were happy being led to the slaughter. Oh well. I felt good.

For your 2nd suggestion. Not being afraid to fuck up. I did that wonderfully, LOL. I just did shit. Not half-assed or hazardly. But not so much thinking what others would say. Yes, I did screw up. But I said to myself, "who cares?" Even laughed at myself a lot of the time. I felt more in control though. Which is great. I did notice a little change, from the way I acted doing both of your suggestions. I was more laid back. And was more of a leader. My body language improved too. I realized that if I do fuck up in front of someone, there is < 1% chance that I will ever see them again in life. So, might as well become a good story for someone else, LOL.

I know you're waiting for lessons learned or whatever. Well, on thursday, I was in the mall in line for chick-fil-a and saw a chance to approach a girl. But failed to pull the trigger. Same thing happend friday, at another mall in claire's before I got my second ear pierced. Both very good looking. And I was getting "IOIs." Just didn't pursue. Do I know why? Yep! Same thing as I might have said in the previous email that I'm emotionally linked to the outcome. So it scared me to approach and get rejected. I know that can be overcome. And I will overcome it and soon. Too many fine women in Atlanta not to. So while I was able to say fuck off to my perfection to an extent. Not so when it actually came to approach chicks I had some interest in. From those two encounters, I would've loved to given you field reports even had they not led to anything other than a decent conversation - but, no dice.

Lastly, I'm saying avoir and adios to SLA. I haven't learned anything. It's a bunch of garbage. Oh well, fun while it lasted. I'll use the money I save to go to the gym and buy some extra food so I can get some muscle like I want to. Ideally, I would say it's not for the girls. But partly yes, because i've always wanted to take off my shirt and see the look on a girl's face when she sees something she's only fantasized about, with six pack and chest. LOL. Oh, and you know how chicks always will try and squeeze on ur arm or touch your chest and stomach on the sly to see what you working with? Yea, I want that? LOL. So, my $85/month SLA money will be better spent at Gold's Gym and Sam's Club working out and buying food. Thanks to you I will have a leader like persona and thanks to Gold's I will have the body to precede.

Oh yea, also I bought Vin DiCarlo's Dating Diablo as well as an ebook from the approach. I like a lot what they have to say about picking up girls. Just being your "improved" self and being natural and genuine. That will fit me best, I know. None of the gimmiks.

So that's it.

Thanks for your help and suggestions last week.

Black Bush,

You make me proud! Good move on getting Dating Diablo. If you can't afford Diclassified Drills, Dating Diablo is the next best thing out there for outer game. I still listen to that program every 2-3 months. The best part about it is it's really short run time of two hours. Most products these days are a 10 hour plus DVD-set. They're so long, you forget half of what you heard and listening to it again requires another huge time commitment. No wonder so many guys don't actually go out. Between playing WarCraft and watching David D., who has the time?

Don't sleep, man, cause I have another mission for ya. Eye contact is the single most important part of the game. Try doing kino without looking at her. Guys who hit the club bumping and grinding on a chick only to see her just walk away know that anything you do without eye contact is a frivolous exercise. The community often teaches to maintain eye contact until she looks away. That's a good rule of thumb, but eye contact is more than focusing on her pupils. Eye contact is about conveying a message: who you are and what you're offering.

Step 1: Steady your gaze. Ever try to look at both of her eyes and get tripped up in trying to focus each of your eye balls on her corresponding eye balls? Some of the more mainstream books teach you to look at her nose; supposedly, she can't tell the difference. If you don't look into her eyes, you cannot communicate through the eyes. Here's a simple solution: just look into one of her eyes. Personally, I find that focusing on her left eye is easiest.

Step 2: Convey your message. While staring into her eyes, allow your mind to fill up with thoughts of you two having the most intense, amazing fuck session of your lives. It's one thing to think about sex (i.e. your fav. porn scene), but it'll be even more powerful if you think about you two in particular getting it on. It's a lot of fun too.

Starting sexual eye contact isn't that hard but maintaining it can be. Keep the sexual eye contact going for much of the interaction, whether it be a first meeting, date, or something else. A good example of this can be found in the pilot episode of Grey's Anatomy. The two main characters meet in a bar and go home together only to learn later that the guy is the woman's new boss. Halfway through that episode, you can see the "Dr. Sheppard" character giving "Meredith" intensely sexual eye contact. Here's an unofficial transcript:

Meredith: "Don't look at me like that!"

Dr. Sheppard: "Look at you like what?"

Meredith: "Like you've seen me naked."

Attraction starts and builds with eye contact. Sexual tension starts and builds with eye contact. Inner game starts and builds with eye contact. Interacting with a woman is like playing Simon Says: her emotional state mimics yours. You want to train your body to become comfortable with and proud of your sexual desires. Allow yourself to feel all of the sexual tension. Your dick will get stiff. Maybe you';ll get a tingling across your chest or down your legs. Doesn't matter how it manifests itself for you. Just don't numb anything out if things get uncomfortable. Otherwise, she'll numb out too. For a woman to get sexual, she has to feel sexual. This exercise is the first and most important step.

Your eyes are now a weapon. Identify women you find attractive, lock eyes, and shoot your message across to her.

-The Dicknotist

Bootcamp Television

Wow! If I draw a blank when I hear the name of a PUA guru, then I definitely haven't used a pick-up product in some time. Anyone ever heard of "Gambler?" Yeah, he's the dude on the right. Doesn't he remind you of Brent? Well, he runs a European seduction company called PUA Training. He professes to teach a more natural style. So, he can't be that bad.

He and his company is featured in a new TV show that aired on British Channel 4 last week called, "The Rules of Seduction." It's shot documentary style featuring actual footage from a bootcamp, giving it a distinctly different feel than Mystery's "The Pick-up Artist." The characters aren't as sympathetic, but they're more interesting and engaging...except for the homeless PUA. A homeless PUA?! WTF?!

Of course, those of us in the States can't catch the show on TV, but we can all watch the first episode online while it's still up right here. Meanwhile, if you guys come across future episodes, email me the link and I'll post it for the world to know.

-The Dicknotist

The Dicknotist Launches Authentic Boston!

 

To all my readers in New England...

In the last post of my old blog, I promised you that joining becomingapua.com was just one of many announcements to come. Well, here's #2.

I have traveled several times to San Francisco to build my inner game. I have actively worked with the team at the Authentic Man Program and opened my eyes to insecurities I didn't even realize. Twelve months of work later and I am a man transformed...and on a mission to bring authenticity to the East coast.

Not every guy can make it to San Francisco, but I can bring AMP to Beantown. Ladies and gentlemen, you are the first to hear of Authentic Boston.

Right now, I am actively working with a local AMP grad to form a Circle group committed to supporting and helping each other through all our inner game sticking points and developing lives of authenticity. What does an authentic life look like?

* You experience the freedom to truly connect with other people
* You are empowered to be yourself, without apology
* You live with integrity, aligned with your highest values
* You relax into yourself and develop a natural sense of well-being and ease
*You love yourself and your life unconditionally, irrespective of the approval of others

Of course, getting to that level takes a hell of a lot of work, which is exactly why having that support network is so crucial. Right now, there are few AMP grads in the area and we could use more to develop more groups and reach out to more brave men who want more from their lives and relationships...who are willing to dig deep where most people are afraid to tread.

So, I am actively working with AMP facilitators to run a program here, but we need at least 6 participants to get a firm commitment. Yes, hardly a difficult goal, but I want to give readers in the Boston area first crack at this opportunity since you've all been so supportive of me for so long.

If interested, shoot me an email: the_dicknotist-pua at yahoo dot com. I'll put you on a special e-mail list (don't worry: no spam or bi-weekly emails selling you DVD programs) and update you with the details as they unfold. I will also notify you of information on the Circle group itself. Of course, you can email me with any questions as well.

Together, we'll transform the relationships of this world, one person at a time. You better believe it!

Thanks!

-The Dicknotist

The Dicknotist Launches Authentic Boston!

 

To all my readers in New England...

In the last post of my old blog, I promised you that joining becomingapua.com was just one of many announcements to come. Well, here's #2.

I have traveled several times to San Francisco to build my inner game. I have actively worked with the team at the Authentic Man Program and opened my eyes to insecurities I didn't even realize. Twelve months of work later and I am a man transformed...and on a mission to bring authenticity to the East coast.

Not every guy can make it to San Francisco, but I can bring AMP to Beantown. Ladies and gentlemen, you are the first to hear of Authentic Boston.

Right now, I am actively working with a local AMP grad to form a Circle group committed to supporting and helping each other through all our inner game sticking points and developing lives of authenticity. What does an authentic life look like?

* You experience the freedom to truly connect with other people
* You are empowered to be yourself, without apology
* You live with integrity, aligned with your highest values
* You relax into yourself and develop a natural sense of well-being and ease
*You love yourself and your life unconditionally, irrespective of the approval of others

Of course, getting to that level takes a hell of a lot of work, which is exactly why having that support network is so crucial. Right now, there are few AMP grads in the area and we could use more to develop more groups and reach out to more brave men who want more from their lives and relationships...who are willing to dig deep where most people are afraid to tread.

So, I am actively working with AMP facilitators to run a program here, but we need at least 6 participants to get a firm commitment. Yes, hardly a difficult goal, but I want to give readers in the Boston area first crack at this opportunity since you've all been so supportive of me for so long.

If interested, shoot me an email: dicknotist at gmail dot com. I'll put you on a special e-mail list (don't worry: no spam or bi-weekly emails selling you DVD programs) and update you with the details as they unfold. I will also notify you of information on the Circle group itself. Of course, you can email me with any questions as well.

Together, we'll transform the relationships of this world, one person at a time. You better believe it!

Thanks!

-The Dicknotist

Ask The Dicknotist: Black Bush!

It's time once again for The Dicknotist to answer your mail. Today's question comes from an aspiring black PUA who wants a lesson in pimpology:

I just became aware of your blog after it was added as a subdomain to V's becomingapua.com. I'm glad to know you are out here, and have found success. I'm rather new to the whole seduction stuff, and to say the least, black PUA's are rare if not almost an anomaly. I pretty much read your whole blog in one day just to see what you had to say. I'm impressed. I like your Dicknotize philosophy. So, I'm glad to have come across your thoughts.

I'm 25, and still a virgin. Don't get me wrong, I've got everything going for me. Full time job making big money, intelligent, spiritual, in good shape (although on the skinny side, i could use a bit of extra food and a weight bench), I have a banging ride, great friends (male and female) and I look good (have been told and approached to possibly model on a few occasions), I'm a part time grad student and my close friends think I'm really engaging, funny and interesting when I open up.

I attribute it to a few factors. One, I was raised in a single parent household by my moms with the help of her mother. And my sis. So I was surrounded by women. Only recently have I come to understand that getting relationship advice from women is shaky at best. Granted they raised me to be a gentleman. But they also raised me to be a limp-dick when it comes to females. Two, 'cause I was surrounded by strong single women (who never spoke down on men by the way), I was sort of pre-destined to put women on a pedestal whether they deserved that distinction or not. So you can probably guess, I've been taken advantage of on more than one occasion (I laugh looking back at my b.s.). Three, because I lack low self-confidence in my ability to interact with women. Maybe because I've never had an male role-models to watch to see how to interact with women. My frame when interacting with chicks was either as (a) a son, (b) a grandson, (c) a brother or (d) as a friend. And maybe because I'm scared I'm going to fuck up. I'm guarded, so I won't let go and open up in social situations where I'm not familiar with people. I have slight social anxiety, which I've made HUGE strides in since September. And I have a complex that I don't want to disappoint anyone, so I won't put myself out on the limb to be the BAD BOY. I'm content being the good guy. So, this leads me to 25 years of sexaul frustration, watching dudes who have less shit going on for them, but more balls get the hot chicks I want ... leaving me to choking off, scared to approach, not knowing what to do even if i did - let alone close, in perhaps the world capital (ATL where btw men are outnumbered 6 to 1) for fine ass black chicks. But, I am nowhere even near trying to get one of those real dolls like the post you had on your blog. Fuck that shit was just WEIRD. PSYCHO even! LOL.

So enough crying already ....

Turning 25, I know I need to get my shit together. My goal is to get laid. And not once. But multiple times. I want to make up for lost time. And not be average mediocre chicks who watch that Ruth chick talk about dildos on Oxygen every Sunday. Nope, I want to fuck the shit out of the dime piece, intelligent with multiple degrees, model good looks, body of a goddess and bomb pussy to boot, who are freaky as hell and want my dick in every hole big enough to accomodate. And I'm not ashamed to do so. I've been too nice, captain save-a-ho ass nigga for too long. It's time for me to get mine. Am I genuinely interested in getting to know women? Yes. Do i want to take advantage, hurt and psychologically manipulate them for my own physical release and pleasure? No, but if I have to - sure. (joke). Do I want to get into a LTR with a perpetually natural beautiful women, with a body, mind and personality to boot, who is a sexual dynamo and wants to live the good life and have kids? HELL YEA! That's ALL I've EVER wanted.

So, a sign from heaven, I saw Pick Up Artist on VH1! I watched week end and week out. I was finally convinced this shit could work. I ordered the Mystery Method ... fuck! It's sterile. It read like a fucking statistics (for mathematics) majors textbook. Good theories though. Next, I talked to a coworker about the show, he lent me a copy of The Game. Hell, if a dude as run down as Style could make the change then I surely can't do any worse. So, I Wikipedia the dude, find Stylelife Academy. Spend a few weeks mulling over whether to sign up. Finally give in to paying this dude $85 a month and what do I have to show for it? Not much, a bit of improved self-image and confidence. More exposure to the resources of the seduction community. And a shit load of PDFs, MP3s and the like. Not much worth shit in and of itself. And I still have AA! Badly BTW. That style, IS NOT for me. It's too "canned" - pardon the pun. (Get it, canned - canned routine ... LOL nevermind). So, I come across David Wygant lately, he's had a couple of Youtube videos talking about "natural game." I feel he contradicts himself a bit, putting other people's methods down when he advocates the same thing - but hey, he's a salesman I don't expect anything less. But he's making sense. Be myself. I need to get my inner game down tight, then I need to figure what the fuck I'm gonna do in terms of outer game.

So, here I am. Wondering what to do next. So, I am writing to ask. What do I do?

(post this on ur blog if u want, i have nothing to hide -- just take away all identifying info). But do me a favor, if u post attribute it to Man in the Mirror. A little Michael Jackson humor. LOL

Yo! Be easy man, I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Keep writing.

Dear Black Bush,

Thank you for your kind words. I'm very proud of my work. Now, let's get down to business.

I can definitely tell you're 25. Like me, you were a young kid when Michael Jackson was our generation's version of Elvis. Everyone was doing the moonwalk and humming the lyrics of Billie Jean. Just as Elvis fans try to forget his pill-poppin', toilet-sitting end, we old-school Michael fans try to forget everything "Jacko" did after he married Elvis's daughter. He just hasn't been the same since. No, you're not the Man in the Mirror. You're "Black Bush" and you'll find out why later on.

There’s a reason you’re still a virgin at 25 when you don't wish to be. Most obvious, you're focused on several factors that have little to do with getting and keeping women: having a job, having a nice car, being buff. That stuff is icing on the cake, but I have met many poor, out-of-shape, bipolar, welfare-recipients with hot girlfriends. In those moments, I often wonder who killed justice and why I wasn't notified.

You say you're "scared to approach," but you don't seem to ask yourself why. There is one true cause of approach anxiety and just about every sticking point with women: shame. By your own words, you have it all: a high-paying job, intelligence, good looks. You even have that spirituality down, following I'm sure in the footsteps of Jesus who spent much of his time picking up prostitutes. All joking aside, I suppose I advise you to spend a lot of time journaling, working on yourself, and trying to figure out your core inner game issue, but that would actually make your problem worse. So, I'm going to save you the trouble and just tell you: you're too obsessed with getting it right.

So obsessed are you with getting it right, you overcalculate and worry how you're coming across to others and you're perceived as wishy-washy (and unattractive) to women. Put in other words, a woman sees you in the same light as she sees her dog. She'd play with it, nurture it, spend time with it...but she'd never fuck it!

Check out this subtle, but crucial phrase: "And maybe because I’m scared I’m going to fuck up." You just laid out your exact problem but slapped in a maybe just in case you're wrong. Here's the ironic twist: women like men who make mistakes; they find it endearing. Why? People are human and we all make mistakes. As recently as the other week in my latest LR, I took a girl to a lounge and tried unsuccessfully five times to light a damn candle! The bouncer showed me up by lighting the candle and putting the match out on his tongue. Who ended up controlling the venue? Who took the girl home? Being perfect isn't normal; it isn't trustable. Guys who fuck-up are fuckable.

Guys with your affliction usually fall into one of three camps. In one camp, they practice like crazy, take a good outer game bootcamp, apply what they learned, and become pretty good PUAs, but they're too smooth in their interactions. They'll still get laid, but they're greatly restricted in the type of women they can seduce. There are plenty of women who like overt playas, but there are also women who are repelled by that super-slick vibe. In the second camp, guys are so concerned with how others perceive them, they painstakingly micromanage their every thought, word, or body movement. They want to control how they come across, totally unaware that they're actually not controlling anything. Their emotions (usually anxiety) are controlling them! The third camp is when a guy's anxiety is so debilitating, he just doesn't try and leaves life to chance. Having been in all three camps in my evolution, I can tell you all three suck.

The reason you are afraid of fucking up is because you don't believe deep down you have what it takes to seduce the dime pieces you choke off to every night. At the same time, you don't want to admit this to yourself, so you focus on acquiring external things (like a nice job, money, car, etc.) and hope that one day, the girl (or girls) of your porno-induced dreams will fall into your arms. I've been in your shoes, spending years taking science courses I hated just so I could become a rich doctor and live the life of Nip/Tuck's Christian Troy. Unless you want to end up like the 45-year-old virgin on Mystery's show, decide right now that it's time to change your ways.

Ever seen that classic Chapelle's Show skit where he pretends what George Bush would be like if he were black? No? Well, I saved you the trouble and posted the Youtube clip above. You're going to be (the real) George W. Bush for a week.

Outside of pick-up, one of my other passions includes discussing politics and I always chuckle at how we ended up with such an incompetent idiot in the White House. Sure, his immense wealth and family name as well as having guys on the Supreme Court his own Dad installed helps a great deal. Yet most people who seriously run for president have lots of cash and many connections. George Bush is President because he is so damn certain. His entire reelection campaign focused on certainty. He portrayed himself as resolutely sure we would prevail in Iraq while his opponent, John Kerry, was so worried of how he'd be perceived, Bush's guys had little trouble portraying him as an uncertain, "flip flopper."

Why does any pick-up theory work? The author of his respective method is certain it will work. That's what I mean when I say, "Inner game is the game." What you do or say is irrelevant as long as you are sure of who you are and what you can offer. When you are certain, people will believe you. George Bush convinced half the country he's a humble, Texas redneck when he grew up in an affluent CT community and got flown to school every morning on a jet. He convinced an impressive number of people that the War in Iraq and 9-11 are somehow related. His party lost both houses of Congress last year and he still runs the same policies as if that election debacle never happened. Damn, that's an impressive frame! Somehow between his alcohol and coke-binges of yesteryear, he learned a simple but powerful principle: people want to be lead, but they will only follow you if you are certain.

Bushie has two things going for him, which are more than enough. 1) I dare you to find a speech where he ever says "maybe," "perhaps," "it depends," "I think so," "Iraq might have WMDs," "It's possible the intelligence was wrong," etc. Assignment #1: Make a conscious effort to go a whole week without using any of those qualifiers that denote uncertainty. Be a stubborn bastard. Even if it's clear that you're in over your head and don't know what you're doing, stay unwavering in your belief and you will be shocked how often people will capitulate. Make sure your tonality connotes certainty as well. Pretend you're everyone's boss and speak with authority. 2) He is famous for making several "Bushisms," those grammatical errors in his speech that make one wonder if he still smokes pot. He embodies the I-don't-give-two-shits-what-anyone-thinks-of-me mindset in a way that no one else does. Bush fucks up all the time and it doesn't bother him one bit. You do the same. Assignment #2: Go out of your way to fuck up on purpose. It's no big deal. You'll find that getting it right is ultimately not as important as forging a connection with other people. Also, the less you care about fucking up, the less socially inhibited you'll be and opening women will become more of a nervous habit than a panic-inducing event. You'll also be better in bed than most men, despite your virginity and sexual inexperience. Many women struggle to have orgasms during intercourse because they can't let themselves go. Like us, they can get self-conscious themselves and worry how the guy is perceiving them, particularly their bodies. When you can bring that solidity to the bedroom, her orgasms will cum more quickly and very effortlessly. Weird things will happen like you're licking her nipples and she's cumming before you even stuck your dick inside her. She'll let you take naked pictures of her while you're fucking her and you've only known each other for 30 minutes. (Damn...2007's been a good year for me). Women yearn to surrender to a powerful man - a man with a power that comes from within.

Try those assignments on for a week and let me know how it works out for you.

-The Dicknotist

Ask The Dicknotist: Take In Compliments

It’s time to read from the mailbag again. As you may have noticed, I’ve decided to rename this part of my blog to “Ask the Dicknotist.”

Today’s question comes from “Mark” who writes:

Hey Dicknotist,

I have never e-mailed any of you in the community before as nobody elses blog has ever really hit home with me but you really have an approach that I feel like I would like to internalize. About me: I am an AFC. A lot of the classic mistakes that you describe fit me to a tee. I am currently, fairly socially inept. It’s strange because I went through a period of my life where I wasn’t. Now that i am older it seems as though my social skills went downhill. I have a good group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with but even when I’m around them I tend to be the butt of their jokes and “the bitch” of the group. Most of them have no problem meeting girls. Some of them do a better job at closing than others but they don’t have too many problems. Maybe that’s me justifying for them but what the hell. I recently quit drinking, as I was notorious for being the drunk guy making an ass of myself. I think I drank to lighten myself up but ended up wasted as I kept on drinking when it didn’t work. I would like to expand my social circle though. My main problem, which is obviously the biggest problem, is self confidence, or inner game as you describe it. I am great at making up things in my head about why a girl wouldn’t want to meet me. I see a girl out at a bar, or in public and my mind goes into overdrive about all of the things that are wrong with me, which would disqualify me from anybody she would want to meet, much less, go home with. I have spent a lot of time over the last few years messing with any girl who would have me but even then, I end up out in the cold after a little while, even with the less desirable girls. I don’t understand it since, I actually used to date some pretty attractive girls. That was around 22-25. Now I’m 28 and I seem to have lost “it”.

I would like a little advice on where to start, and more so, how to start. I have an extreme problem with approach anxiety. I always say to myself, I’m too short, I have messed up teeth, she’s better than anything I could ever get with so why try? Im sure you have heard this before but it took a long time for me to accept this, in my own self, enough to seek out advice. I think I am a little less motivated to get with A LOT of girls than you but still, I would like to have the opportunity. Right now, I would just like to be able to get out there, meet some girls, come up with some solid “fuck buddies” along the way to getting a great girlfriend. I am sick of latching onto the first girl willing to pay me any kind of attention. I guess I want to be more in control of what I get rather than letting the cards fall where they may. I have done a lot of reading in the community blogs and downloaded some of the e-books to begin with. Some of the academic stuff bores me so I tend to skip over it, and the canned approaches seem way too scripted. Inner game is what I want. Self confidence enough to be where you are. To roll up to any girl anywhere, open, escalate, kino, close, all the things that are instrumental to having great game. I just don’t know where the first place to start is.

I go to the gym regularly and I am in fairly good physical condition. I have had girls tell me that I am fairly physically attractive (excluding the teeth thing) but that doesn’t really help me out in my head. I need a little style upgrade but I’m working on that using some of the resources the community has provided. I am in pretty good shape financially, I have a good job and i am well spoken and educated. From what you have said, I am many things that a lot of other guys aren’t and yet I’m still way behind with regard to gaming. I had a fairly troubled childhood which I think contributes to my lack of self confidence but I want to overcome that. I am hoping that you can help me out as it seems like i am in a place where you have been at and got out of it. I am willing to do what I need to do but I just don’t know what that is or how to begin. Sorry for rambling on here, I just wanted to try to give you a little background. I understand you are certainly not a therapist, and I’m not after one, just a little coaching from somebody who is obviously getting it done would be great. Thanks for your time, and a great blog.

“Mark”

“Mark,”

Thanks for your kind words regarding my blog. I write this stuff to help people like you and I feel wonderful knowing that my thoughts resonate with a lot of people.

Your problem is clearly poor inner game and I guarantee you your “troubled childhood” is 90% responsible, probably in ways you do not yet realize. Until you come to terms with whatever happened to you, you will continue to be ruled by your past and struggle to be in the moment. That said, I’ll start you off in the right direction.

I appreciated your compliments in your email and I took them in. Do you do the same when people compliment you? From your email above, I get a clear sense that you’re the type of guy who berates himself in his head all the time, never thinking you’re good enough. You clearly express that much when you described your thoughts prior to a potential approach: “I see a girl out at a bar, or in public and my mind goes into overdrive about all of the things that are wrong with me, which would disqualify me from anybody she would want to meet, much less, go home with.” Disqualify you? How can she when you already disqualified yourself?

Your belief that you’re not good enough is so intense, you actually discount the approval of others: “I have had girls tell me that I am fairly physically attractive (excluding the teeth thing) but that doesn’t really help me out in my head.” Here, women are telling you that they think you’re hot (IOI for those of you who are paying attention) and your mind actively looks for ways to discount or minimize it. With that type of thinking, even if a girl was actually into you, you’d convince yourself otherwise.

Time for some reprogramming. You’re going on a scavenger hunt - a search for compliments. I want you to find things that represent something you’re proud of or that people genuinely like you. Some examples could be: an acceptance letter from a college or university; an official letter you got from your boss offering you your job; Hallmark cards people have given you; emails people have sent thanking you for something; favorable text messages (type the messages out in a WORD document and print it out). Also, open up WORD (or just write in a notebook) and brainstorm genuine, nice things people have said either to you or about you over the years without any qualifiers. In other words, there should not be a “but,” “except,” “yet,” “excluding,” or similar qualifiers anywhere in the compliment. i.e. From the example above, instead of writing “I have had girls tell me that I am fairly physically attractive,” type out what she literally said, not how you interpreted it.

When you’re done gathering all that stuff, get yourself some poster board, tape, and glue. Make a crazy collage pasting all those positive compliments together going any which way. Cover every inch of that poster! You can also add your own tribute to yourself, such as a picture of yourself you really like.

We’re not done yet! The final and most important step is to spend just two minutes every morning looking at the poster you hung up in your room somewhere and while taking some slow, deep breaths, read the compliments to yourself. The most important part is to actually feel the energy behind the words, take them in, and feel the emotion with your entire body: your finger tips, your chest, your legs, your toes, the top of your head. This assignment is not passive; you are actively learning to take in compliments and internalize the value you bring to others. Once you realize that value, that chatter of “not being good enough” will fade as you’ll naturally want to bring that value to others in your own way. I actually do this exercise myself every morning and one way I bring my value to others is through this blog (and if you had 2 X chromosomes…some dicknotism).

Try that and email me privately how it’s working for you. Clearly, this exercise is only the beginning, but I’ll have more fun missions in future posts.

Extraneous thoughts:

“I need a little style upgrade but I’m working on that using some of the resources the community has provided.” What you wear has a powerful influence on how you feel about yourself. So, I support you in wanting to update your style. However, I would be very careful in getting fashion tips from the community. I am not sure if “peacocking” is still trendy, but you may end up dressing more strange than fashionable. That said, I did find one product helpful: Pickup 101’s Dress for Success DVD set. I also did a post about some general rules of thumb not too long ago. Other sites I find helpful include: You Look Fab, The Executive’s Closet, and of course, GQ.

“I have a good group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with but even when I’m around them I tend to be the butt of their jokes and ‘the bitch’ of the group.” You may want to rethink your group of friends or change the rules of discourse. Deprecating humor is toxic to anyone who doesn’t have a high level of self-confidence. You’ll only internalize the negative things about you they “joke” about and your low self-confidence will be reinforced. Just think about it.

-The Dicknotist

P.S. Actually, I will be a therapist very soon, among other things. That’s enough of a clue as to what I do…gotta leave a little mystery…

I read every email I am sent. These days, I am slower to answer than usual thanks to my finals, but I will reply. Be patient.

LR: A Blind Date Banga!

Regular readers of my blog know my feelings on online dating: quick pulls are guaranteed, but in my experience, the quality of the women you meet are lower than those you pull in real life. As I always tell my friends, women who are online and single are single for a reason.

I was listening to the Tom Leykis show not too long ago when he discussed the results of a new study on online dating. Finally, researchers are catching on to what I knew long ago: closing a chick you meet online is probably the easiest scenario to get laid. If you can’t bag a Match.com chick, your game is really bad. Conversely, if you think you can get good at bagging chicks in real life by “practicing” online, you’ll also be disappointed. They’re two distinct skill sets with little in common. The setting where you meet her is as important as anything else.

In a nutshell, the article states,

ONE third of women who meet someone online have sex on the first date, and three quarters of these do not use a condom, according to a new survey.

This article is a step in the right direction, though the the “one-third” figure is laughably low. In reality, I suspect the percentage is closer to around 75%. Granted, this survey is based in Australia and while I am not familiar with the sexual norms there, I find it hard to believe there’s a more sexually repressed, first-world country than the good ‘ol US of A.

In explaining this phenomenon, the article includes silly quotes such as:

“People do feel more comfortable with each other when they’ve had lots of conversations online, whether it’s through RSVP, Facebook, or any online social network,” she said. “If you think ‘I know that person, I’m sure they’re safe’, you’re less likely to use a condom.”

Really? In my experience, the more you chat online, the lesser the chance you’ll eventually meet offline. It’s sort of like in real life when a guy thinks that by staying her friend for years and years and years, things will magically turn sexual somehow. Nice in theory and even makes sense, but it just doesn’t work. As for the lack of condom use…c’mon people. Sex without condoms feels better than sex with condoms. That’s why people don’t use them. Don’t get me wrong: I totally support and promote their use as they’re still the best protection against STDs. I never go anywhere without my Magnum XLs. That said, the excuses and reasoning these researchers use is ridiculous and further evidence of how little sex they actually get.

Now, on to the actual lay report:

I have not broken my oath in swearing off online dating, but a new site from the makers of OK Cupid, Crazy Blind Date, could potentially become the Domino’s Pizza of sexual hookups. Here’s the difference: You can select the criteria of what you’re looking for: age, height, body type, ethnicity, smoking/nonsmoking, and a few other silly criteria. The drawback is you can’t see their picture, which presents with a host of risks right there. Hence, you’re truly going on a blind date. The cool thing is the guy can select the venue from a list of choices. So, you can hypothetically set it up so you’re available several nights in the same week and if they match you, you’ll get an email and text message telling you someone’s willing to meet up for an impromptu date. That’s exactly what happened to me late last week.

I’m sitting at my computer typing up this paper when I get an email telling me that HB_Blind_Date is willing to meet me in an hour at this ice cream parlor 10 min. from my place. I of course accept and 30 minutes before the date, the makers of the site allow you to text each other while hiding your actual phone numbers. After ironing out some logistics, I slap on some clothes, turn off the black bros/white hoes porn, and go off to the next adventure!

I approach the ice cream parlor with trepidation as this girl could look like the off-spring of Roseanne Barr. Luckily, she was pretty cute with brown hair and large boobies. I greet her with a warm hug and I get to work.

The Dicknotist: “C’mon. Let’s roll. I’m not having ice cream at 11 PM. I know this great lounge around the corner.”

I have never actually been to this place before, though I have always wanted to check it out. We sit down and I go out of my way to make myself comfortable. There’s an unlit candle in front of us and I go through a good five matches trying to light the damn thing. One of the doormen sees the spectacle, we lock eyes, and we start horsing around. We’re doing all kinds of silly match tricks in the lounge while my date is laughing it all up and everyone else watches in stunned amusement. Moments like this are key. Most of this game is all about letting go of your inhibitions. At one point, I dare him to light a match and put it out on his tongue. I was actually joking, but to my surprise, he lit one up and put it out it out on his tongue! Meanwhile, this super-nice Indian chick is our waitress and I sense she’s a bit into me, so I immediately start testing some compliance. I order my usual drink and when she asks if everything’s ok, I tell her, “there’s no where near enough vodka in this! Dump half the drink out and fill the rest of it with Vodka.” To my delight, she went and did exactly as I said.

After 30 minutes of all these shenanigans, I start getting stir crazy and am ready to fuck…and from the way she reciprocated my kino, namely sensually rubbing my hand back and allowing me to rest on her shoulder, I knew she was ready too. I flag down the waitress and ask for the check. After I pop the credit card in the card holder, I again lock eyes with her as she’s hovering about and point to the credit card. To everyone’s amusement, she misinterpreted my pointing and took away our finished drinks! Somehow, I have to get her on a reality show entitled, “The World’s Most Smartest Waitress!”

Finally the drinks are paid and I just announce, “Let’s go!” I learn she also lives close by and I just tell her, “I’m gonna walk you home.” Again, moments like this are key. I didn’t ask her if I could walk her home. I told her I was walking her home. This distinction is the subtle difference between the 33% of Aussie guys who end the night with a cum shot and the 67% of them who end with a kiss.

At this point, we’re in her apartment and hanging in the kitchen when I just go straight for her bedroom. I turn out the lights and start kissing her. Remember, I don’t kiss a woman until we’re in isolation. Also, the turning off of the lights is huge: few women are comfortable fucking in full lighting, especially the first time. I have gotten emails from guys who miss this crucial detail.

Finally, our clothes are off when I encounter much resistance, but not from my date…from her dog! She keeps her dog in her room and he was wagging its tail and enjoying the action. When I began to lay my date on the bed, the dog jumps up behind her.

My first thought: “Am I getting AMOGed by a fucking dog?!”

Luckily, I am pretty good with dogs and I lead him off the bed, laid her down, and gave her some EMDR therapy: Enhanced Magnetic Dicknotism Reprocessing. And yes, the dog was there cheering us on the whole night!