Managing Expectations

There is a time and place to navigate potentially volatile topics with a woman: after sex. After a long morning sex session, I left my HB’s place to get some work done at home. Then, she messaged me on AIM and surprised me with the DTR (defining the relatioship) talk. Here’s the actual transcript of what went down:

The Dicknotist: going with what? you lost me
HB: us hanging out…
HB: are we in a relationship, are we just having sex? are we working toward something….i donno - i am not really concerned, whatever is ok, just wondering…
HB: i know i am a crazy girl
The Dicknotist: Ah. Gotcha. Well, I enjoy your company and I enjoy being around you. Not just the sex, but also our silly convos before & after sex. I also know that my schedule is erratic and would make a relationship unrealistic. There’s a few weeks where I’ll have some free time and another few weeks where I’m so swamped with work that I barely have time to go to the bathroom.
HB: well, thats good to know - i don’t really have a lot of requirements for a relationship - i kinda want to be working toward something, but i am not really invested in it working out for sure…
The Dicknotist: Well, this is my philosophy on relationships. I think of it as a continuum (sp?) At the bottom, there are fuck buddies. You know, you just have sex and that’s about it. At the top are the full bf & gf, we’re you’re monogamous and we know all the cliches. In between is the grey, where things aren’t really clearcut, but it’s just best to stay there.* For me right now, there’s a lot going on with school, career, etc., that it’d be dishonest of me to predict anything from here to 6 months from now. On my end, I like the way things are now and don’t want it to change. In the future, as my life gets more settled, that may change but for now, I like things the way they are now. Now, if you’re not cool with that, then I’d understand. It takes 2 to tango and all.
HB: ok, i am ok with that, just as long as i know where things stand
The Dicknotist: Ok. That’s cool. I like to keep things straight-forward and honest. You know, no “games.” I want the both of us to be on the same page and to be happy & fulfilled.
HB: right, thats pretty much where i am coming from - i dont play games and then i dont expect to be messed with - this is a good page to be on
The Dicknotist: well, good. i suck at playing games anyway. I don’t read enough Cosmo
HB: HA, me either
The Dicknotist: good
HB: haha, ok, i need to go shopping and i think go to castle island to walk to dog - give me a call or whatever when you aren’t busy
The Dicknotist: ok. lata.

One of the biggest issues with the community is how almost all the products, forums, and websites inundate you with endless lines and routines of getting her into bed, but there is sparse information out there on how to keep her around on your terms. In other words, the community desperately needs some ideas out there on managing expectations. Sure, some of you only want one night stands and that’s cool, but for busy professionals like myself, it’s just unrealistic and draining to always be on the hunt. With that much work, why not have something to show for it? Sometimes, it’s fun to hit the bar and aim to take a chick home, but at the end of the day, I’m much happier shooting a text to one of my regulars, have her cook me dinner, fuck her brains out, and get home in time for Nip/Tuck.

So, how do you keep a chick around for the long haul and not get hooked in monogamy hell? The Dicknotist reveals all:

Step 1: Seduce her.

Step 2: Pump her with lots and lots of orgasms to get that oxytocin flowin.’ Oxytocin, “the cuddle chemical,” is to pickup what spinack is to Popeye. Here’s where guys get it wrong. Society promotes the old cliche that women get hooked by having sex. Anyone who’s been on a college campus lately knows that women fuck dozens of guys by the time they hit senior year and are hardly pining over them. A woman can get sex from anyone, but orgasms are hard to come by. In one of my classes last semester, the teacher read the results of a survey that shows up to 70% of chicks aren’t cumming during sex. No wonder they have a bitch shield.

To get her hooked, you need oxytocin, which is released in one of two ways: breast feeding and orgasm. Unless you have a weird fetish, make the latter a critical part of you game. Orgasms are the key, so she has to be cumming over and over and over again. If you truly can’t tell if she’s acting, get your fingers inside her and stimulate her clitorally and vaginally simultaneously. I like to put my middle and ring finger inside her, palm up, and thrusting upward while rubbing her clit with my thumb. Use whatever technique works for you. If you want to speed things along, you can lick and suck at her nipples are a more intense effect. If you also toss in ample amounts of sexual eye contact, she won’t last long. Pay attention to your fingers as she’s cumming and don’t change anything you’re doing (i.e. don’t speed up on the thrusting. She’s not a guy). Her inner vaginal walls will contract involuntarily during orgasm. Keep rubbing her clit even after she cums. If the orgasm was real, she will often shove your hand away because a girl’s clit is ultrasensitive after an orgasm. Remember her response as you’re fucking her. Then, you’ll know for sure if her screams are for real or if she’d make a great actress.

If she’s having a hard time cumming, put your hand on her lower stomach. Her gut should be relaxed, not tight. Granted, this technique won’t work on FUPAs, GUPAs, and CHALUPAs as their guts are always soft from all the fat, but bear with me. In order for a girl to cum, she must be relaxed and surrender to you. If her gut is all tense, rub her forehead, talk in her ear, and just encourage her to relax and just feel good. Tell her how beautiful she looks. All the “supplicative” lines pick-up taught you to avoid all work here. If she’s still tense, stop for a bit and give her a massage. Do what you can to relax her.

Step 3: Get her to open up after sex and reveal some vulnerabilities/insecurites. Unfortunately, that also means you have to reciprocate. Grow some balls. It’s worth it.

Step 4: NEVER bring up the DTR talk before she does. Just keep fucking her. She’ll bring it up around month 1 or 2. When she brings it up, tell her you’re not ready for a relationship now, but that may change with time. You don’t want to rush things and ruin a good thing. Basically, you’re just stalling for a few more months to pump her with more oxytocin and escalate the compliance.

You should do this whether you actually want her in a monogamous relationship or not. If you capitulate so easily, you lose a very powerful carrot in escalating her compliance. The more you make her work for it, the more influence you’ll have in structuring the relationship on your terms. Otherwise, she may get weird ideas in her head like “gender equality in relationships” and odd feminazisms like that.

Step 5: Repeat Step 2 over and over and over again. Fuck her brains out and give her more and more orgasms. By this point, she’ll be more addicted to your cock than a heroin addict is to a needle.

Step 6: Escalate the compliance to unforseen levels. See how far you can push her before she pushes back. If she does, that’s cool. Just do something for her and then rinse and repeat and fucking and compliance. i.e. Small examples: have her cook or bake you something. Ask her to pick up something for you or run an errand. If you two live far apart, have her travel really far to see you. Bigger examples: have her take you out to dinner and start paying for you regularly. Let her buy you things. You get the idea. These are just examples. Just have her do things for you that you value. i.e. For me, I think cooking is one of the sexiest qualities in a woman. So, I often ask her to cook me dinner and escalate from her.

Step 7: Sooner or later, she’s going to buckle down and really get you to settle down with her (if she’s actually looking for something monogamous). Tell her that you’re just not ready for monogamy and that you’re really cautious cause of past hurts, experiences, etc. She’ll then try to “fix” you. You will be amazed with the level of compliance you’ll get at this point. Now is the time to go really nuts if you so desire. You’re the prostitute; let her be the John. It’s fun being a manho.

Of course, there’s the risk that she’ll leave anyway. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least you’d get months of awesome sex and much more on your end and she’d get something few women do: endless orgasms on a regular basis. With Dicknotism, everyone wins.

-The Dicknotist