Narcissus Would've Been A Lousy Pick-Up Artist

Hey guys,

It's that time again. Let's check out the latest mail:

Hi Dicknotist!

I've been a regular reader of your blog and I find the way you think really sympathetic. You might have the answers for me, so I'd like to ask you for some advice. I am not the regular AFC, I am living life awesome, I am a head-turner, women are really attracted to me based on my looks even before they get to know me. I always had women in my life, proper girlfriends as well as friends with benefits, and one night stands. I also have quite a few women around as friends, so I am quite familiar and comfortable with girls. I've been a practicer of Dicknotism before I even knew the word existed, I have given orgasms to girls who thought they were physically incapable of cumming, my exes keep in touch with me, tell me that I've been the best in bed, and come back for an occasional joyride. Right now I am in a foreign country on a university scholarship, have a non-exclusive relationship with a girl, who is quite talented in bed. I suppose I shouldn't complain, I am young, intelligent, handsome, outgoing, financially stable, but still feel that I am far from my full potential.

Even though I have a reasonably big social circle, I feel that my confidence and my social skills are far from what my background would make possible. I used to have an anxiety disorder, panic attacks, which caused unusually strong sweating (in a minute I got so soaked that I looked like if I just took a shower) in social situations, like meeting new people, or sometimes even in the weirdest places, like talking to a shop assistant, or even my family members. I had this issue worked out with a psychologist, now I feel relieved, and want to get rid of the rest of my old bad habits. Like I rarely open girls, usually either they open me, or I use a mouthful of social lubricant to loosen up, and I usually go overboard with it. That all equals to not getting the highest quality girls possible. And I don't mean going for the ugly ones, they are usually cute, also craved by others, but not the really hot ones.

The first introduction to the seduction community for me was The Game about a year ago, since then I've been reading books and blogs, also applying some material successfully, but only a few techniques, I am not the typical sarging-addict. The indirect method seems a bit useless for me, my appearance generates attraction, I don't need to sneak in under the radar. But I am not used to doing cold approaches - at least, when not drunk - and I quickly run out of things to say when talking to a stranger, and really hate the 'What do you do?' kind of small talk, and the following awkward silence. And to avoid that, I simply don't open. I somehow lack the confidence to display my personality. I can also be quite self-centered, which really isn't good for getting to know people. My other major problem is the lack of motivation. I want to work these issues out, but I tend to get lazy with it, having an already decent life and getting laid daily really lowers my motivation.

Thank you in advance for your reply, and keep posting, your blog really made a difference for me!

gamut

Gamut,

First off, thanks for your kind words concerning my blog. I take great pride in my work. Also, congrats on taking care of your Panic Disorder. It takes a lot of courage to not only seek help, but to stick with treatment.

It's funny how you call yourself self-centered. As I was originally reading your e-mail, I got that sense from you within the first few sentences. The way you felt the need to spend quite some time convincing me your "awesome life" makes me wonder if who you're really trying to convince...is yourself.

I am also not surprised that you used to suffer from Panic Disorder, a psychiatric illness that often accompanies selfcenteredness. If you're totally focused on yourself and proving to others how great your life is, you are fundamentally approval-seeking. I can feel it in your email and I guarantee you that it's crippling your chances with women. Worse, your narcissism actually makes you particularly sensitive to the critiques of others. What drives your approach anxiety is the fact that you place your self-esteem in the hands of women who don't even know you. No wonder you're scared!

There's a type of psychotherapy called CBT, or cognitive-behavioral therapy. The concept is simple: your thoughts determine your feelings. You're feelings then influence your actions. Fix your thoughts and your maladaptive emotions will be fixed and you'll exhibit healthier behavior. I have use this concept with devastating effect in my own life and with my patients. Now, it's your turn.

The ultimate way to solve your problem is to train your mind to look outside of yourself. If you're focused on other people rather than obsessing over yourself and your supposed deficits, your game will improve. For starters, do one kind thing for someone else every day. Volunteer, perhaps at a soup kitchen, the local library, at Big Brothers of America, at an animal shelter. Volunteer at something that interests you or you already love doing and do it often. Psychological research conforms that it'll build your self-esteem and lower your selfcenteredness.

As an aside, I don't know your psychiatric history, but if you've been diagnosed with a personality disorder, you'll likely need the help of a therapist in this area as well.

E-mail me again in a month and let me know your progress.

Thanks for writing,

The D