The Secret Lives of Milfs

My, my, my. Once again, someone with too much time on their hands comes out with a survey that backs up what I declared long ago: all women are raging sex fiends who hide their sexuality because of the slut stigma. I used to stand by that statement 100%. Now, it's about 110%.

Cookie Magazine and “AOL Body” did a survey entitled, “Sex and the American Mom,” where it was revealed that 34% of the survey’s 30,000 female participants were currently engaged in an affair or had engaged in one in the past. Even more interesting, 77% of respondents claimed they wanted more sex.

Take into account that this survey was aimed merely at married women with children. If married chicks get that slutty, imagine the extracurricular activities of the average college chick! Now, these stats may surprise the few of you who still think husbands have higher sex drives and are more apt to be unfaithful than their wives. Actually, some reports places male infidelity as low as 22%. Hmm...how is that mathematically possible? Well, when 20% of men fuck about 80% of the women, all types of mathematical possibilities open up.

Now, in all fairness, I have taken several statistics classes and I know the flaws of this survey, so hold off on the e-mails. I'll lay out what the naysayers would argue. Despite the large sample size (30,000), it'd hard to figure out whether the average reader of Cookie Magazine and AOL Body represents the general married female population. In addition, there's a selection bias in that the people who actually responded to the survey may simply be more promiscuous (or less promiscuous) than the women who did not. So, proving all this definitively is very difficult, but they'll do so eventually. Nothing motivates a scientist or researcher more than to figure out why he can't get laid.

Yet, deep down in my bones, I know the figure is very close to what it is in real life. First of all, it would make sense that women cheat more often than men because women generally have an easier time obtaining sex. So, I imagine about 25% of men cheat whereas about 35-40% of women cheat, not because men are more loyal or honest but because so few men have good game. For a woman, good game is wearing a low-cut shirt.

So, who wants to go out and get married?! Who still thinks that women are innocent, pure, and asexual? To the people who raised their hands, how's it'd feel to down that blue pill?

-The D