The Virtue of Selfishness

The mail keeps coming in. I was especially happy to hear from Black Bush:

Hey! How are things going with you these days? I hope all is well.

I'm known among ALL of my friends for being there for anyone at anytime - no question, and never saying, "No." Always, being available. But, even though I like to - I've read that it's a defense mechanism and selfish. I'd still like to be reliable to my friends and everyone else as long as they genuinely need the help and it's something that only I can do. So, how do I come to the point where I can not feel guilty about it?

I ask this because I know that it kills me with the chicks. I'm always giving them compliance and for nothing. I just think it's nice to do things for people. But I know while initially it's probably cool to do, women will come to expect it. As well, they might resent it later and think I'm too soft. And overcompensating. Also, it puts me in the dreaded "friend zone." Hence, why I mentioned before that I've had so many female friends.

I want to get to this point from your, "Tear That Pussy Up!" post :
"Nowadays, I no longer hide my niceness, my power, or my sexual desire. Rather than be the doormat I once was, I now hold open doors for women and whisper romantic nothings into their ears - AND still get laid. I command respect. I make women blush by the things I say...and turned on. I am an unstoppable, fucking machine!

If you were to tell me three years ago that I'd reach this point, I would've thought you were crazy. I used to think women had a secret desire to be beaten, used, and abused. Now that I'm much older, more mature, and more experienced, I know the real reason women love bad boys. It's the real reason so many women get involved with abusive men and even marry them later on. Low self-esteem? Lack of good men left? Financially trapped in the relationship? Oppression of the patriarchy? Nah. The sex with bad boys and jerks is off the hook!"

Got any ideas?

Ok my young disciple of Dicknotism, I have two thoughts for you.

1) You have the exact opposite problem of Gamut: you're too self-less. It's great to be there for other people, but not at their beck-and-call. There is something personally powerful in saying no. Saying no implies that you have boundaries and while you are there for people whom you care about, you're there for yourself as well. Your well-being must come first, whether you're dealing with friends, family, or women.

Ever been on an airplane and they had you sit through that boring video that depicts what you should do if there's a sudden drop in cabin pressure? The masks fall down and what do they tell mothers to do with their children? They instruct the mothers to put the masks on themselves first. After all, if the mother passes out, no one is left to help the child. What's the moral of the story? If you want to be of use to anybody, take care of yourself first.

In regards to women, people have tremendous respect for you if you tell them no. There's one story I often tell people to illustrate what I loved the most about my ex-girlfriend. We went to college together and she was in a child development class. As is typical of the first day of class, the professor went around the room and asked everyone why they are taking the class. The usual response was something along the lines of "I love children." When it came time for my ex to respond, she said, "I hate children! I'm just here cause it's a required class!" Can you imagine how much courage and confidence it took to say that in front of a class of 60 people? I loved that about her. She could say no when at the time I couldn't. She had that ounce of confidence I wish I had. I thought I could have gotten it from her. The best part was that she felt no guilt in sharing her honest feelings. If you could say no to a women when she starts acting up, you'll not only stop her shit tests, you'll have some of the best sex with her that night!

So, you feel guilty about saying no and being "selfish," eh? I felt the same way until my ex introduced me to Ayn Rand. Her best book is "Atlas Shrugged," which is riveting from cover to cover despite its staggering length. One of my favorite passages from the book is Francisco's "Money Speech," which changed the way I saw the world, money, and achievement. If you want a crash course in what she's all about, check out "The Virtue of Selfishness." Granted, her position is very extreme, but I suspect that you need that intensity to bring you back to a healthy equilibrium.

2) The best way to become great with sex and to "tear that pussy up" like me is to get a steady girlfriend. You don't have to be monogamous, but you definitely need to be fucking the same woman for at least a year. That way, you'll be forced to get creative and seek out new ways of bringing her incredible amounts of pleasure just to keep things fresh.

While I didn't really want to be with my girlfriend of the last three years, I do credit my time with her as instrumental in making me more comfortable with sex, which in turn makes me really damn good at it.

Keep in touch,

The D