Why You're Not Getting Better

I finally took down the link to the common seduction acronyms, which do more harm than good. Words like "sarging," "target," and "obstacle" promote an unhealthy, antisocial viewpoint of the world. Among all of them, however, the most damaging is "sticking point."

Have you ever known one of those guys who spends years and years studying game, only to achieve very little progress? We all know the guy who devotes a solid year to this work only to get nowhere. Luckily, he stumbles across a girl and quickly turns her into his girlfriend, after which he gives up the game and is never heard from again…until she dumps him. Then there’s the guy who memorizes endless routines and runs very flashy game, getting a slew numbers and impressing his friends. Deep down, though, he knows the truth. While his pickup show is entertaining, all the numbers he’s acquiring are flakes and he’s actually not getting laid. Sure, he's getting 30 second kiss closes at the bar, but he'll never learn that the best kisses involve the lips below the waist.

On the flip side of that coin is the inner game junkie: the guy who spends months and even years working on his issues before devoting time and effort to his game. He reasons that before he can truly go after women, he must first build his inner confidence up to near perfection. While he achieves new realizations and personal breakthroughs, he actually is no better with women than he was before his inner game work. Vin DiCarlo warned about this phenomenon in his recent book, The Attraction Code. Three months later, I have a much deeper understanding of what he meant.

Inner game becomes a trap when you focus on your perceived problems that are keeping you from getting the sexual success you desire. Here's how it works: like a typical guy, you identify a problem and work to fix it. Your problem may be that you feel inadequate in the bedroom. You may acquire some new skills and get more sexual experience, but then another insecurity pops up. Maybe you don't feel cool because you have no sense of fashion and your wardrobe is very outdated. So, you find someone with some knowledge on style and dress better, but you then notice that you're really scrawny and could use some muscles. Are we seeing a pattern yet?

The mind is incredibly skilled at thinking up more and more problems to fix, creating an endless string of obstacles to overcome while further reinforcing that you're fundamentally broken. Those of you who read the game will remember how Mystery spent an insane amount of time chasing women and getting tail, but he has a mental breakdown when the one he really wanted decided to get with his roommate instead. He worked endlessly on fixing his "sticking points," further reinforcing that there was something wrong with him. Ultimately, he ends up being so suicidal, he had to be committed for his own safety. A more famous example is Michael Jackson who was abused and teased mercilessly as a child about his appearance. He had a nose job, which actually did improve his looks. Then his mind came up with another imperfection and then another. Slowly, he underwent so many plastic surgeries, he more resembles an extra from the Planet of the Apes than the once great performer who had every kid in America doing the moonwalk. I imagine that if you were to ask him today, he's evem more insecure about his looks than he was back in the '80s.

Inner game work is wonderful and I support it as wholeheartedly today as I ever have. At the same time, I caution you against doing a great deal of transformational work but never truly getting anywhere because you're constantly "fixing" some sticking point. You're only reinforcing your insecurities. Realize that you're not broken. Everything you need to attract and seduce women is already within you, passed down in your genes from your sexually successful parents. Instead, inner game work should be goal-centric. Focus on a goal and when you complete it, set a new goal.

There's a subtle but important difference between inner game work that is problem-centric vs. that which is goal-centric. Look no further than this blog as proof. As I was going through the blog archives the other day, I noticed that I got the most gains when I wrote out goals to work out and was at my worst when I whined about whatever was "wrong" with me that was getting in the way of my success. Ignore your problems and focus on goal-setting. You'll achieve untold success with any endeavor, including fucking "bad bitches...for all the night you never had bitches..." ;)

-The D