Managing Expectations

There is a time and place to navigate potentially volatile topics with a woman: after sex. After a long morning sex session, I left my HB’s place to get some work done at home. Then, she messaged me on AIM and surprised me with the DTR (defining the relatioship) talk. Here’s the actual transcript of what went down:

The Dicknotist: going with what? you lost me
HB: us hanging out…
HB: are we in a relationship, are we just having sex? are we working toward something….i donno - i am not really concerned, whatever is ok, just wondering…
HB: i know i am a crazy girl
The Dicknotist: Ah. Gotcha. Well, I enjoy your company and I enjoy being around you. Not just the sex, but also our silly convos before & after sex. I also know that my schedule is erratic and would make a relationship unrealistic. There’s a few weeks where I’ll have some free time and another few weeks where I’m so swamped with work that I barely have time to go to the bathroom.
HB: well, thats good to know - i don’t really have a lot of requirements for a relationship - i kinda want to be working toward something, but i am not really invested in it working out for sure…
The Dicknotist: Well, this is my philosophy on relationships. I think of it as a continuum (sp?) At the bottom, there are fuck buddies. You know, you just have sex and that’s about it. At the top are the full bf & gf, we’re you’re monogamous and we know all the cliches. In between is the grey, where things aren’t really clearcut, but it’s just best to stay there.* For me right now, there’s a lot going on with school, career, etc., that it’d be dishonest of me to predict anything from here to 6 months from now. On my end, I like the way things are now and don’t want it to change. In the future, as my life gets more settled, that may change but for now, I like things the way they are now. Now, if you’re not cool with that, then I’d understand. It takes 2 to tango and all.
HB: ok, i am ok with that, just as long as i know where things stand
The Dicknotist: Ok. That’s cool. I like to keep things straight-forward and honest. You know, no “games.” I want the both of us to be on the same page and to be happy & fulfilled.
HB: right, thats pretty much where i am coming from - i dont play games and then i dont expect to be messed with - this is a good page to be on
The Dicknotist: well, good. i suck at playing games anyway. I don’t read enough Cosmo
HB: HA, me either
The Dicknotist: good
HB: haha, ok, i need to go shopping and i think go to castle island to walk to dog - give me a call or whatever when you aren’t busy
The Dicknotist: ok. lata.

One of the biggest issues with the community is how almost all the products, forums, and websites inundate you with endless lines and routines of getting her into bed, but there is sparse information out there on how to keep her around on your terms. In other words, the community desperately needs some ideas out there on managing expectations. Sure, some of you only want one night stands and that’s cool, but for busy professionals like myself, it’s just unrealistic and draining to always be on the hunt. With that much work, why not have something to show for it? Sometimes, it’s fun to hit the bar and aim to take a chick home, but at the end of the day, I’m much happier shooting a text to one of my regulars, have her cook me dinner, fuck her brains out, and get home in time for Nip/Tuck.

So, how do you keep a chick around for the long haul and not get hooked in monogamy hell? The Dicknotist reveals all:

Step 1: Seduce her.

Step 2: Pump her with lots and lots of orgasms to get that oxytocin flowin.’ Oxytocin, “the cuddle chemical,” is to pickup what spinack is to Popeye. Here’s where guys get it wrong. Society promotes the old cliche that women get hooked by having sex. Anyone who’s been on a college campus lately knows that women fuck dozens of guys by the time they hit senior year and are hardly pining over them. A woman can get sex from anyone, but orgasms are hard to come by. In one of my classes last semester, the teacher read the results of a survey that shows up to 70% of chicks aren’t cumming during sex. No wonder they have a bitch shield.

To get her hooked, you need oxytocin, which is released in one of two ways: breast feeding and orgasm. Unless you have a weird fetish, make the latter a critical part of you game. Orgasms are the key, so she has to be cumming over and over and over again. If you truly can’t tell if she’s acting, get your fingers inside her and stimulate her clitorally and vaginally simultaneously. I like to put my middle and ring finger inside her, palm up, and thrusting upward while rubbing her clit with my thumb. Use whatever technique works for you. If you want to speed things along, you can lick and suck at her nipples are a more intense effect. If you also toss in ample amounts of sexual eye contact, she won’t last long. Pay attention to your fingers as she’s cumming and don’t change anything you’re doing (i.e. don’t speed up on the thrusting. She’s not a guy). Her inner vaginal walls will contract involuntarily during orgasm. Keep rubbing her clit even after she cums. If the orgasm was real, she will often shove your hand away because a girl’s clit is ultrasensitive after an orgasm. Remember her response as you’re fucking her. Then, you’ll know for sure if her screams are for real or if she’d make a great actress.

If she’s having a hard time cumming, put your hand on her lower stomach. Her gut should be relaxed, not tight. Granted, this technique won’t work on FUPAs, GUPAs, and CHALUPAs as their guts are always soft from all the fat, but bear with me. In order for a girl to cum, she must be relaxed and surrender to you. If her gut is all tense, rub her forehead, talk in her ear, and just encourage her to relax and just feel good. Tell her how beautiful she looks. All the “supplicative” lines pick-up taught you to avoid all work here. If she’s still tense, stop for a bit and give her a massage. Do what you can to relax her.

Step 3: Get her to open up after sex and reveal some vulnerabilities/insecurites. Unfortunately, that also means you have to reciprocate. Grow some balls. It’s worth it.

Step 4: NEVER bring up the DTR talk before she does. Just keep fucking her. She’ll bring it up around month 1 or 2. When she brings it up, tell her you’re not ready for a relationship now, but that may change with time. You don’t want to rush things and ruin a good thing. Basically, you’re just stalling for a few more months to pump her with more oxytocin and escalate the compliance.

You should do this whether you actually want her in a monogamous relationship or not. If you capitulate so easily, you lose a very powerful carrot in escalating her compliance. The more you make her work for it, the more influence you’ll have in structuring the relationship on your terms. Otherwise, she may get weird ideas in her head like “gender equality in relationships” and odd feminazisms like that.

Step 5: Repeat Step 2 over and over and over again. Fuck her brains out and give her more and more orgasms. By this point, she’ll be more addicted to your cock than a heroin addict is to a needle.

Step 6: Escalate the compliance to unforseen levels. See how far you can push her before she pushes back. If she does, that’s cool. Just do something for her and then rinse and repeat and fucking and compliance. i.e. Small examples: have her cook or bake you something. Ask her to pick up something for you or run an errand. If you two live far apart, have her travel really far to see you. Bigger examples: have her take you out to dinner and start paying for you regularly. Let her buy you things. You get the idea. These are just examples. Just have her do things for you that you value. i.e. For me, I think cooking is one of the sexiest qualities in a woman. So, I often ask her to cook me dinner and escalate from her.

Step 7: Sooner or later, she’s going to buckle down and really get you to settle down with her (if she’s actually looking for something monogamous). Tell her that you’re just not ready for monogamy and that you’re really cautious cause of past hurts, experiences, etc. She’ll then try to “fix” you. You will be amazed with the level of compliance you’ll get at this point. Now is the time to go really nuts if you so desire. You’re the prostitute; let her be the John. It’s fun being a manho.

Of course, there’s the risk that she’ll leave anyway. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least you’d get months of awesome sex and much more on your end and she’d get something few women do: endless orgasms on a regular basis. With Dicknotism, everyone wins.

-The Dicknotist

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre

It’s that time of year again. On February 14, millions of couples celebrate their love for each other…by making the restaurant, flower, and greeting card industries rich. The entire notion of a Valentine’s Day is preposterous and insulting. Why do we need an official day to express our love for each other? Shouldn’t every day be Valentine’s Day? One can only wonder where such a ridiculous holiday came from. Certainly, a group of women must have banded together for a meeting.

HB1: *sigh* Well, Christmas & New Year’s are over and things are just boring now. It’s cold out and I feel fat!

HB2: I hear ya, girl. We need to make our men cheer us up and show us some attention.

HB1: Well, we could make up something and start a fight over it. Those are always fun! We can stop by the mall, get some new outfits, and ask our guys how we look in them.

HB3: Been there, done that. How about we make up a holiday where we get to dress up and go out and they spend all this money on us and make us feel special! It’ll be like the prom again!

HB1: Ohhhhh girl! That’s sneaky! You alright!! We should make it all official, name it after some saint or something.

Actually, according to Wikipedia, they don’t even know where the holiday came from! There are two theories:

• Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae): a priest in Rome who suffered martyrdom about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia. His relics are at the Church of Saint Praxed in Rome and at Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland.
• Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae): He became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been killed during the persecution of Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome. His relics are at the Basilica of Saint Valentine in Terni (Basilica di San Valentino).

Why either of the men mentioned in the excerpt above were chosen to name the Feb. 14 holiday is anyone’s guess, but sometime in the Middle Ages, Valentine’s as we know it today developed to become consistent with medieval ideals of chivalry and courtship. While women certainly take advantage of the holiday, Valentine’s Day was actually created by chodes to protect and foster a monogamous society. Why? Simple: a monogamous society guarantees that every guy, even the chodliest of the chodes will get at least one woman. A promiscuous society results in a situation where a few guys get a slew of the women while chodes have to fight over the fupas, gupas, grand chalupas. Hence, why most chodes take their dates to restaurants; what better way to a “rotund” women’s heart than through her stomach?

However, with more people being single than at any other time in recorded history, there is a quiet movement to “take the holiday back” with “Singles Awareness Day.” In case you didn’t notice, Singles Awareness Day spells out “SAD” to represent all the singles who are down in the dumps for being alone. Wow, how..depressing. In other words, what began as a day for celebrating courtly love and later was overtaken by feminazis to celebrate a silly play, is evolving into a day of loneliness for millions of people. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Take back Valentine’s Day back for real. Instead of expressing love for your significant other or getting down in the dumps for being all “alone,” make it a day of love for yourself. Treat it as if it’s your birthday. Go out of your way to make the day extra special and fun for yourself, in your own little way.

Enveloping yourself in your own insecurities blinds you to the wonderful opportunity that Valentine’s presents for PUAs. Single women are as lonely as single men, if not more so, because society looks down more harshly on them. Women who feel down in the dumps and go out in an effort to run from their loneliness are ripe for the picking. Building “comfort” with them is a cinch as lots of them are looking to be consoled. All you have to do is listen, isolate, and stick it in. Massacre that pussy when the time is right.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

-The Dicknotist

Extracting Her From Her Friends

This post is a follow-up to my previous one where I described the best way to isolate a girl from her friends and take her home:

The best way to isolate a girl from her friends is to let her ditch them for you. If you “grow some balls” and pit yourself against her friends, you will usually lose. If she is unwilling to ditch her friends and go home with you and you protest, you’ll definitely lose. Pick-up is always a partnership between you and the girl. If she’s truly into you, you don’t have to worry about getting rid of her friends. That’s how you differentiate between a tease and the real deal.

I went on to describe an example from one of my pulls, but I recently noticed another real-world example in the media.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Natalee Holloway is a beautiful, blond, high school senior who disappeared while vacationing in Aruba with her classmates. Most recently, a videotape with a possible confession surfaced where the prime suspect, Joran van der Sloot, described what really happened that night.

For our purposes, however, we’re going to focus on how he picked her up. Yes, he’s scum and likely suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but when there’s a lesson to be learned, there’s a lesson to be learned.

If you watch the video at the 01:30 mark, you’ll hear the narrator say, “Though her friends want her to go back to the Holiday Inn with them, she leaves with Joran and his friends for the beach.” What’s the lesson here? If a girl’s really going home with you, don’t worry about her friends: she’ll ditch ‘em for you.

Unfortunately for Natalee, she went home with the wrong guy.

-The Dicknotist

Dr. Dicknophil: The Black Dog

Today’s mail comes from Pradeep [named changed for anonymity] who mentions a topic not discussed too often in pick-up. Winston Churchill called it, “the black dog” and he coped with copious amounts of work and brandy. Luckily, we have healthier ways of dealing with depression…

Hi Dicknotist!

From a thread that I read some time ago, I deduce that you’re a psychiatrist and I’d like to get some advice from you. Don’t you worry I’m not gonna ask you to have therapy by pms. I’ve been all my life an anxious person, this is something that I learned some months ago when I was reading, Attacking anxiety and depression by Lucinda Bassett, I still have a lot of chapters to read. Reading her book I could see that I was described in a lot of aspects: negative self talk, pessimistic, victim, sensitive, etc.

I broke up with my ex-girlfriend about a year and a half ago because I wasn’t attracted to her anymore and because she was somehow my mom, it was the hardest decision I’ve made in my life. I decided after that to become a PUA to have options with women, it’s been a really hard road after a year and a half, I didn’t know that I had to change so many things in my life: ways to see the world, being more optimistic, not being the victim anymore, self-esteem, etc I’m still learning, it’s a looooooong process for me.

Today I was at a party with coworkers and there was a woman that I knew she was attracted to me some time ago, she quit but she came to the party. I decided to apply some techniques on her to see how she reacts, I was mainly applying kino on her. I started to tap her a little bit on her arm, after few minutes I was tapping her hands and I kept escalating stroking her hair, touching her hands until I hugged her at her waist and lifted her blouse to touch some skin, she immediately walked away. She sat in another part of the room but some times she was staring at me, what I consider being an IOI. Then I started to think, what is the best thing to do? what I think is a huge way to create anxiety on myself. I should isolate her, but how? we’re at a party, with people that know both of us, she has a boyfriend, etc. I created a huge snowball in few seconds causing me a total inaction. I noticed that that phrase: what is the best thing to do? , comes to my mind often times when I’m interacting with women and IMO, it’s a sure way to create anxiety, I feel like I have to know what exactly I have to do to have success with a woman, putting all the responsibility of the interactions in my hands, which is impossible, she has a part too.

What I wanted to know is how you handle this kind of situations in a healthy way, you don’t think about consequences of your actions?, but at the same time we have techniques that are supposed to help us in moments like this one. I don’t know if you went to [a Boston Lair] presentation, at one moment [someone] asked [the presenter], how do I isolate a HB in a club that is with friends? He said, grow balls, yeah you’re gonna think, well she is with her friends they can cock block me, etc but you have to do it. Is this all you have to do, and don’t think anymore about it? and definitely living at the present moment?

I’m thinking about seeing a therapist because I’ve been depressed lately because this stuff is really hard for me, but you think that an average therapist could help me with my issues with women? or he could try to give me the nice guy advice to deal with them? I know that you recommend AMP to have a strong inner game, I got the free stuff from them and being honest I’m not that impressed, I think sometimes that I know about what are they talking about, the problem is that my anxiety doesn’t allow me to bring these learnings to the real world and I got stuck with the old negative thoughts.
Thanks in advance, and I’m sorry for such a long pm.

Bye, Leo.

Hey Pradeep,

Thanks for the email. It’s great to know you trust me enough to divulge this personal info.

AMP is designed for people who are mentally healthy overall. They’re not a therapy group and most of them don’t have the training necessary to treat true psychiatric conditions.

Anxiety is one thing; chronic anxiety and depression may signal something deeper for you to work out. I definitely recommend that you get evaluated by a psychiatrist for possible med therapy and a psychologist for some talk therapy. A good psychologist definitely won’t just tell you to “be a nice guy,” at least not if there’s a PhD after his or her name. They have undergone years of training to learn very effective methods of treating anxiety, depression, and a host of other maladies. There’s no reason to suffer in silence. My personal favorite therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which has an avalanche of research supporting its effectiveness. I highly recommend Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Daniel Burns. I actually use the accompanying workbook, 10 Days to Self-Esteem, with my patients…and myself.

There’s something about guys not liking to ask for help. Too often, I suffer from the same malady. Is it the American culture promoting the rugged individualist as the masculine ideal? Is it man’s tendency to not admit weakness or vulnerability? Who knows, but one thing I know for sure: behind every successful guy is a team of people who helped him along the way and behind every sad story is the guy who chose to go it alone.

By the way, have you any idea how many hot women are in mental health either as employees…or patients?! I have never told this story to anyone before, so look out! Not too long ago, I used to work at a prestigious psychiatric hospital and was having lunch at the cafeteria. As I searched for a table, I spotted this hot brunette solving Sodoku puzzles in one of those little books they sell at supermarkets. Given how hot and well put-together she looked, I assumed she just worked there. I was still in my indirect phase and won her over by reading her palms and analyzing her handwriting. By the time I got her digits, she was as giddy as a school girl. So, I called her up later and set up a Day2. At the date, she told me that her therapist thought it’s a bad idea for her to be seeing someone new. As she proceeded to respond to people who weren’t there, I quickly learned that she was one of the patients! She accused me of tapping her phone and I decided to get the heck out of there! On a scale of 0 to nuts, she was Britney Spears on crack! Seriously, there are plenty of chicks who are sane but working through some things that are ripe for the picking in the waiting room. Either way, you’ll always have a fun story to tell.

As for your story with the woman at the party, my sense is you got too sexual with the kino and escalated too quickly. For all the time she’s known you, you’ve been this asexual goodie-goodie. All of a sudden, you’re all over her. That situation likely jarred her and she freaked out. Remember, you’re in public and she has a boyfriend. Imagine if someone from the party told her boyfriend that she let some guy touch her all over at the party. Imagine the amount of hell she’d get…from her boyfriend and perhaps from her former co-workers. Yes, you’ve learned some techniques and that’s great, but always, always, always let your commonsense override what you read in some book or forum. Reputation is king with women, especially in the workplace. If you were in a bar, your kino would have been appropriate but day game settings require much more subtlety and everything slows down. However, what you can’t do with touch can be communicated with the eyes.

The best way to isolate a girl from her friends is to let her ditch them for you. If you “grow some balls” and pit yourself against her friends, you will usually lose. If she is unwilling to ditch her friends and go home with you and you protest, you’ll definitely lose. Pick-up is always a partnership between you and the girl. If she’s truly into you, you don’t have to worry about getting rid of her friends. That’s how you differentiate between a tease and the real deal. In one of my one night stands, I got her digits and left her for the night as her friends swooped down to blow me out. I didn’t fight them. I basically introduced myself and just moved on to another chick. At that point, she left her friends to reopen me and we walked to my car. As we were walking, her friends called her cell; she then turned it off. That’s a real world example. Ask any chick if she’s ever been pissed at her friend for canceling on her to spend time with “some guy.” Be that guy.

Keep in touch and let me know how it goes,

-Dr. Dicknophil

P.S. Yeah, that post was…depressing. So, in true pickup style, let’s end things on a happy, hilarious note: