The Attraction Code: A Review

"Attraction is not what you do to a woman; it is what you cause her mind to do when you’re with her and in your absence." Vin DiCarlo and Brian Pettit, The Attraction Code

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you are fully aware of my admiration for Vin DiCarlo. Before I took his DiClassified Drills bootcamp, I was a lonely little rowboat, lost in a sea of seduction products, conflicting advice, and unconscious insecurities. Sure, I was getting laid with the teachings of Mystery, David DeAngelo, Swingcatt and the rest, but only infrequently and barely. When I think back over the past year since I've taken the bootcamp, my progress has been nothing short of amazing. I went from trolling for one night stands to having double lay reports. I went from struggling to hold onto women to now struggling with letting them go when they don't meet my standards. No, I'm not yet dating the supermodels of my dreams, but I am fully aware of and appreciate how much that bootcamp sent my game to new heights. Hell, I even gamed the receptionist at an RMV yesterday and skipped ahead of 60 people in line. This stuff is no joke!

That said, I am an independent thinker and I am not affiliated with DiCarlo DiClassified. I'm merely a huge fan, which only makes me a tougher critic. I have high expectations of their products and will come down hard if they start to slack off. While I fully admit where I'm coming from, rest assured that I'm going to tell it like it is with my review of Vin DiCarlo's new and only e-book, The Attraction Code. Brian Pettit, whom I also admire, co-wrote the book.

The Attraction Code is the most important, comprehensive, and effective book on pick-up I've ever read. It's the most important book on seduction written since Neil Strauss' The Game. Yes, it's that damn good. Why is it good? The authors break things down to the absolute fundamentals that are inherent in any successful PUA. There are no techniques, mantras, or absolutes. They don't teach you how to act like a certain type of seducer to get women. They teach you how to develop the mindset of an attractive, sexually powerful man.

In the book, natural game is defined as truth - the truth that everything you need to attract the women of your dreams are already within you. You just have to recognize and eradicate the self-defeating thoughts that are getting in your way. You have to harness your own gifts and have the courage to unleash them. Fundamentally, your thoughts are what make or break your results.

What I respect the most about Vin is that he's such a thoughtful PUA. Just when I think I have it all figured out, he releases something that fundamentally challenges my beliefs and compels me to dig deeper. When I read on the Attraction Code website his argument that inner game is not only unnecessary, but may get in your way, I balked. My inner game work has helped me on several levels, including my profession, my education, and all of my relationships.

After finishing the book, I have a deeper understanding of what he and Brian are really saying. People who work on their inner game fall into the same trap that befalls people who study outer game. They read book after book, take bootcamp after bootcamp, and continually work on themselves as a way of postponing taking action on this area of their lives. Rather than becoming a vehicle of self-improvement, their inner game work becomes yet another shield to hide behind. Change is scary and dealing with women can be petrifying. Yet at the end of the day, you have to man up and take action to change your life.

I'd agree with the authors that having the right mindset is indispensable to seducing women. However, I'd also argue that a strong inner game is crucial to seducing high quality women. It's true that confidence is not necessary to attract women. There are plenty of self-hating men out there who can score with chicks. They just don't hide their sexuality. However, they attract what they put out there: women who are as messed up as they are. As another example, if you recall, the first few months after the Drills bootcamp were both exciting and frustrating for me. I got plenty of lays but with low quality women whom I couldn't hold on to. I was needy and insecure and those are exactly the types of women I penetrated all last summer. Nowadays, I'm attracting women who move me on a deep level and challenge me to become an even better man, yet I could only have met them if I had the inner game to radiate those qualities that drew them towards me.

I especially enjoyed a section in the book that lays out the fundamental concepts that underlie the DiClassified Drills bootcamps. Having been through one of them last year, it was fascinating to see the thoughtfulness and ingenuity that went behind each drill, which is designed to keep you focused on your goal (sex, relationship, or whatever it may be) even in the face of situations or events that challenge your emotions. If I were to pick one flaw in my game, it's still in this area. Too much of my success depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood, I'm on fire, getting plenty of free meals, attention, and sex. If I'm in a bad mood, forget it. My next pick-up goal is to train my focus so that my attention is impervious to outside "state frictions." (A state friction is merely anything that threatens your emotional state. Read more about it in the book).

The strength of the book is also its weakness. When I bought the book, I was afraid that it'd be designed for newbies and more seasoned PUAs like myself would once again be ignored. On the contrary, this book is actually better suited for the intermediate and advanced. Experience out in the field will deepen the knowledge you acquire from the book. There were many times as I was reading when I told myself, "yeah, that jives with my experience!" "Oh, so that's why such and such went down like that." It's both a summary of everything you need to know and an eyeopener of how far you need to go.

At the same time, I wonder if newbies will truly understand these concepts or if they will fly over their heads. When I finished the book, my first thought was, "Damn! If I had this back in 2001, I could've avoided so many mistakes and so much pain." Then again, I probably would've read it and thought to myself, "huh?!" Comparing this book with Double Your Dating, which I actually did read back in '01, I'd go for the quick fix. Cocky and funny is easier than training your focus. The the book offers no shortcuts, just a broad roadmap. You have to take action.

Don't worry though. The DiClassified crew included plenty of extras to assuage newbies.

Up at the top of the list is the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder, 2nd Edition. The first edition revolutionized my game and the concept of kino. How do you improve on perfection? Well, not much. This new version is essentially the same, except it includes many nuances involved that I had to learn the hard way while in field. If you're a DEL fan or continue to struggle with kino, this e-book is a must have.

Next, we have No Flakes, which is another must have. This book was previously available to David DeAngelo's Interview With Dating Gurus subscribers but here it is in all its glory with much nicer graphics. This book truly is a product in of itself! You can't always get same night pulls. More often than not, you have to get her digits and set up a future meeting. If you've ever struggled with flakes, this e-book is for you. Hint: texting and intrigue are the way to go...

Next, we have Secrets of Sexual Tension, which is definitely another must-have for newbies. Much of this material was covered on a much more comprehensive and deeper level in the drills bootcamp, but if you're strapped for cash, this e-book is the next best thing. These concepts along with Gunwitch and Daniel Rose's Sex God Method gave me a solid foundation to build the Dicknotist philosophy. If you want rapid pulls and to have women fingering themselves while thinking of fucking you, this book's for you.

Next up is Objection Game, an e-book aimed at addressing the five most common objections women have to having sex with a new guy. I won't list them, but you probably already know them. This e-book is an extension of a blog entry Vin wrote several months ago on the same topic. The blog seems to be down, but luckily, he saved this valuable piece and expanded on it a bit. This is one of the few times where my experience actually contradicts his teachings. Ever since implementing what I learned in Sexual Selection Switch, I've found that my LMR is virtually non-existent. With the exception of one girl, all the rest I banged last year jumped me! Granted, my pulls are from cold approaches, not social circle game where these concepts may be more applicable. This e-book may be useful for newbies or people who can't afford s-cubed. Ironically, s-cubed makes this e-book obsolete.

The next addition isn't a full book, but merely a chapter in Jay Cataldo's Get Your Girl Back. I have no idea who he is and why this extra was included in the package. The very premise seems to go against what Vin teaches. Shouldn't you be flipping the Sexual Selection Switch and have her dying to fuck you? Why are you trying to get her back? If you're doing everything correctly, you wouldn't lose her in the first place. I skimmed this one and I regret doing even that much.

Next, we have a free one month membership to Vin's Mastermind group, which appears to be an ongoing training for natural game students. It's $67 a month, which is pretty steep for a monthly membership, but worth it if it gives you much value. There isn't too much up on the site yet except for a few recordings, a forum, a chat, and forum archives of DiClassified trainers. I hope they develop a way for subscribers to download mp3s. As it stands now, you have to listen to it on your computer, which makes things more difficult because some of the recordings are quite long. For iPod lovers like myself, I'd much rather listen as I drive or workout. So, things are sparse now, but I'm sure things will pick up rather quickly.

The last extra only went to the first 99 orders and luckily, I am one of them! I haven't had my call yet so I can't comment, but I have high expectations. Stay tuned....

The final selling point of the whole package is not only a money back guarantee but the ridiculously low price of $37. Vin is probably the only guru who underprices his products (except for the Drills bootcamp and the Mastermind membership). I remember getting Dating Diablo for $45 when a selling price of $200 would have been justified. I still listen to it monthly to "drill" his teachings into my forgetful head. I bought Sexual Selection Switch for around $100 or so (don't recall), but it obliterated LMR for me, which is worth much more than the selling price. So, $37 makes this book an obscene steal and worth checking out, given the amount of value included in the package. Now, if he would only release something detailing "Pimp Game" in more detail... Final scores: Main e-book: 4.5/5. Extras: 3.5/5. Overall score: 4/5.

Bring 'Em Out! Bring 'Em Out!

This morning, I asked my gf if she's on any social networking sites after unsuccessfully looking her up on MySpace and Facebook. To my surprise, she showed me an ancient account on Friendster dating back almost ten years . She then googled me and sure enough, there I was in all my chode glory, complete with 80 extra pounds, oversized glasses, and a chodely grin that made me want to smack it right off my face.

That account must be at least eight years old and existed well before I ever heard of MySpace or Facebook. Surprised that Friendster still exists, I googled it to learn of its history and was amused to learn that the founder used it as a way of meeting women.

Jonathan Abrams was your typical, horny computer nerd who probably spent more time playing Dungeons and Dragons than learning how to seduce the opposite sex. Indeed, the closest he got to a pussy was when he was born.

One day, he got a brilliant idea. He somehow realized that most people meet sexual partners through their social circle, but his dorky, Asperger-prone pals hardly knew of any hot women outside of a porn site. Somehow, he brilliantly exploited women's greatest weakness to bring them to him...and millions of other nerds. He exploited the female gender's insatiable need for attention. He founded what eventually became Friendster and has since become known as the the guy who turned down a cool $30 million for it. But hey, he started the venture not to make millions, but to score some tail.

“Basically,” said Mark J. Pincus, a seed investor of Friendster, in the New York Times, “Jonathan wanted to meet girls.” And as if that didn’t sell poor Jonathan down the river enough, Pincus added, “He told me himself, he started Friendster as a way to surf through his friends’ address books for good-looking girls.”

If you look up almost any account on most social networking sites, especially MySpace, you'll see millions of women pampering their pages with weird fluorescent-colored designs, song lists, sexy videos, silly quizzes, and a whole host of other forms of mind-numbing hilarity. Yet, these sites serve two purposes. Women get to pretend that they're mini-celebs with all the electronic friends they make while guys get to befriend them and troll their friend list for poon.

Whenever social networking began, it must've started with Friendster. Who knows if Abrams succeeded in living the P.I.M.P. lifestyle of his dreams. Regardless, he does illustrate an important lesson for us all. Some of history's greatest ideas were started by frustrated men looking to get laid. Use your talents to create a life where the women come to you. "Bring 'em out!" Don't worry about the money. Whenever you can help men get laid, there are riches to be made.

-The D

Dr. Phil Talks Seduction

"Women Beware!
Women beware: Men are on the prowl! Some guys win your heart and dupe you for thousands of dollars, while other men learn the slick techniques of pick-up artists so they can get you in the sack! Go inside a classroom where single men are being taught The Mystery Method -- a step-by-step technique on how to meet, attract and date beautiful women. The founders say their method teaches guys to be more confident. When the students hit the bars, will The Mystery Method help them land a lady? What do the women think of their techniques? Then, meet Ross Jeffries, the self-proclaimed "Father of Seduction." He says he’s taught thousands of men to seduce women through language. Now he fears that he’s created monsters, because many of his followers are seducing woman through deception, and he says that’s exactly what The Mystery Method is all about. A heated debate ensues between Ross and the creators of The Mystery Method, Nick and Scott. Is Ross’ technique actually as benign as he claims? And, Victoria says she fell in love for the first time with a guy whom who she thought was the perfect man, until he she says he ended up scamming her out of $100,000. Did Victoria miss the warning signs? How can she pick up the pieces of her broken heart and move on? If you’re a lady looking for love but don't want to find heartache, you won’t want to miss this show!"

Yes, you read the above description correctly. Dr. Phil finally convinced some bigwigs of the PUA community to come on his show and bear the wrath of his mostly female audience. Seeing the title of the show, "Women Beware," I tuned in to see yet another hit piece of the seduction community by the mainstream media. However, I was pleasantly surprised.

Dr. Phil portrayed the seduction community in the positive light I've ever seen. He was fair and empathetic with the plight of men who just want to learning to be more successful with women. Despite having Nick and Scott of The Mystery Method (MM) on the show, the community for once didn't seem creepy.

The show featured a few clips of MM students approaching these hot blondes in a bar many of them doing quite well. They even invited those very blondes onto the show, one of which said she "might go for him," even though she is clearly into him in the clip as she strokes her hair several times.

Even the blondes were empathetic and supportive. “Their idea is a very good one. Men need to go to school to learn how to approach women.” Another remarked that she has never been opened in the manner the MM used and she welcomed the change.

Not to be outdone, after Dr. Phil polls the audience on their opinion on learning seduction and a good 50% of the audience had a problem with it, he further came to our defense. She asked the women on stage and in the audience if someone had taught them how to put on makeup, choose clothes, and conduct themselves as a lady. “Somebody invented the pushup bra for a reason!”

If only the show ended there. By the end of the episode, PUAs once again looked like creeps because the biggest creep of all was given way too much air time.

Our own Ross Jeffries, the same ugly, bitter, nerd who started the community twenty years ago, came back to destroy his competitors and gain some publicity for himself. Every time Dr. Phil called Jeffries the "father of the seduction community," I cringed. The man wore this ugly brown suit, had dark brown hair, and an unshaven, thin gray beard. He's always been ugly, but he's never looked worse. I have never been happier not to own an HD TV. You think that going on television before a national audience would convince a guy to present himself better.

Things got worse once he opened his mouth. Jeffries spent the whole time twisting and misrepresenting the nature of what MM teaches. Granted, I am far from a fan of MM, but their techniques are solid and the hot blondes on the show agreed. My problem with them is that their techniques seek to cover up the symptoms rather than fix the underlying, fundamental problem. However, from how Jeffries represented them, you'd think MM were teaching men how to become professional wife batterers.

Meanwhile, Dr. Phil is reading some of Jeffries' marketing lines over the years and keeps bleeping out the word, "laid." Since when was "laid" not allowed to be said on television? Of course, we all know that when we don't know something, we assume the worst. The TV audience probably thought Jeffries was saying "fuck" or "pussy" or who knows what. What a betrayal? He does a 180 right in the middle of the show and tries his best to demonize PUAs. Seeing Dr. Phil on one side of the stage and Jeffries on the other, I can almost see the slime oozing out of my television set.

Eventually Ross left, but show only got worse from there. Incredibly, they presented this moronic woman who gave $100,000 to this guy she was seeing, even though she caught him in a series of lies beforehand. Not surprisingly, he turned out to be a con artist who does this to other women on a regular basis. Never once did anyone notice how ugly and frumpy she was, in sharp contrast to that sweet looking blonde that was previously on stage. I wanted Dr. Phil to say, "My Dear...you're just too damn ugly to ever get taken in by a PUA. This was the work of a chode!" Oh well. The damage had been done. At the end of the show, Dr. Phil polled the audience again and most of them had a negative view of the community.

Of course, the segment made no mention of natural game. Rather they presented the community as it was back in 2001, where it was a battle of between NLP and indirect game. Both of these aging styles getting as old as David D's Double Your Dating e-book.

I have a theory why so many people distrust and dislike the community so much.

1) Women want to have their wild fun in their 20s, but they have to make sure that the lovable losers they shat all over previously are around when they hit their 30s and want to settle down. They depend on them for their dream wedding and starting a family just like they dreamed as little girls. As Chris Rock said, a man is only as faithful as his options.

2) Women crave authenticity, even if they're far from honest themselves. They equate learning to be successful with women to learning to deceive women to obtain sex and then more on. There are a lot of jaded women out there who think the worst of men and they project their baggage onto the community.

3) A lot of men are jealous of other men's success. They have too low a self-esteem to obtain what they really want and they knock on others. Misery loves company.

Keep that in mind if someone disses you on your journey; that only means you're on the right path.

-The D

Large Condoms for Large...

Condoms must have been invented by a woman. They often can cause a break in heavy, sexual activity and they diminish sensation on at least some level. Several decades since their creation and fundamentally, little has changed.

Compare that progress with the birth control pill. Forty years since its' invention, there are now over 60 sixty versions each with a varying amount of Progesterone or Estrogen. Not only that, but now they have pills that also clear acne and can last up to an entire year, giving women 365 days of period relief. For men...well, we still have the old rubber and there's no change in sight.

Condoms are a double edged sword. They're not enough to protect against pregnancy and the Religious Right tells us not even STDs, but after 8 years of fucking and relying on them, I have no complaints. While they've kept me STD and child free, I always hated that I had to put on these rubbery vice-grips just to protect my health and bank account.

Then, I discovered Magnums. I used to shy away from the golden wrappers as I was afraid that they'd fall off when I put them on. Then, one of my female friends told of her big dick boyfriend and how their sex life changed dramatically by switching to larger condoms. So, I thought to myself...why not?

To my shock, they fit...almost. They weren't quite long enough, but they were much better than anything I tried previously. I then rolled with Magnum XL which were a perfect fit width wise, but they still weren't quite long enough. Oh, and they were miserably thick. I almost wanted to go back to the ultra-thin lifestyle condoms I grabbed in droves at my college health services building. To a poor student, nothing promotes condom use like offering them for FREE. Otherwise, who knows what I woul've done. If I had to choose between ordering a steak sub for dinner and buying a condom...

My next experiment was Kimono Large, which a friend of mind swears by. My friends, that stuff is just plain awful. Yes, they're thinner, but they're just uncomfortable. How can you be bigger than the average condom yet feel even worse? I remember using one for the first time during one of my one night stands. After pumping a good 2 minutes, I pulled out, tossed it on the floor, and grabbed my Magnum XLs.

This week, I have encountered a sexual revolution! I became a Durex XXL Man. Oh...my...God! Now, that's a condom for the big boys out there! Long, roomy, comfortable, thin...it's the closest thing to bareback I've ever tried. Sex has never been better...or safer.

Ok, so what's the point? Do I really need to tell the world about my big cock? No, but I sure do enjoy it. The point is simple: use condoms and if you hate the way they feel, keep experimenting till you find a pair you love. If you have an aversion to something, you're less apt to use it doing those tempting times.

Let's be real: with more sexual partners cums more risk. Not only are you concerned with your sexual history and hers, but you're also concerned with the sexual histories with everyone you two have ever slept with. Most STDs leave no symptoms, so by the time a doc or nurse practitioner diagnoses someone, who knows how many folks they've infected. Of course, in the heat of the moment, no one is doing this level of deep thinking. If you did, you'd just lose your erection. So, have a condom brand close by that you trust and actually makes it worth your while to use.

-The D

Master of My Own Domain

Welcome to the new home of The Dicknotist.

You've seen those words before, when I join the Becomingapua network. While I enjoyed my time there, it's time to venture out on my own and embark on new territory, new challenges, and a new domain (name). I find the change especially fitting as I'm just a few weeks away from completing graduate school and prepping to kick things up a notch. The AMP Boston Red Pill Weekend is coming up in late May and from there...the future remains a blank canvas ready for the power strokes of my paintbrush.

For all my readers, I ask a favor: if you've previously commented on one of my past posts, please repost your original comment on this blog. It'd save me much time in not having to transfer over blog comments.

As for any newcomers out there, here is what I, seduction, and this blog are all about:

I started this blog as a public seduction journal and evolved it into an answer - an opening salvo against the conflicting, confusing advice of the pick-up community and the utterly worthless dating advice available in the mainstream. I wanted at least one place on the web where guys could get accurate, honest advice on seduction without having to fill in their email address on a lame cover page or purchase an endless string of e-books and audio programs.

Most important, I wanted to create a place where men can find sound advice without having to deal with sexual judgments. Are you here just to learn how to get laid? Awesome. Are you here to learn the skills to find a wife? Cool. Are you looking for something in-between? Welcome to the club. Not sure of what you’re looking for? We’ve all been there. There aren’t too many places where guys can seek help without being patronized (”Just be yourself!), ridiculed (”Dude, you actually need advice on getting a girl?!”), or commercially targeted (”I’ll teach you everything you need to know…on my 21 DVD set!”).

Dicknotism is about creating a culture where both men and women are unapologetic of their sexual desires, confident and comfortable in their own power, and empathetic of others.

Ultimately, this blog is both a gift to you and a commitment to myself - a public commitment to living in authenticity, in accordance and commitment to my own values, one of which is a strong desire to help others.

This blog may have a new look and a new address, but rest assured, the spirit of Dicknotism rages on.

Drop Her Like She Haaawt

It's not too often that a blog post can have enduring influence on my game. The writings in Khiem's Kiss N'Tale are often thought-provoking and unique. Of all his posts, one in particular has always resonated with me. From "The Fallacy of Wanting More" comes this gem of a paragraph:

Don’t be afraid to go to the next level. I see so many Pick-Up Artists working so hard at staying in the position to “have the choice in women.” After suffering so many years of not having any options, they are now constantly looking for new, better, hotter women. It’s like they collect them. They always need “one more.” I know… having someone new is fun. It’s like having a new toy every day. If that’s what you enjoy and want, keep playing the field. I respect that decision and you should stop reading now.

But if you are done sowing your royal oats, if you have now decided to find yourself a “real” girlfriend/wife or if you are not finding fulfillment in meeting more women, then ask yourself: what’s the point of having a choice in women if you don’t exercise that choice? How long are you wanting to stay unattached for? Do you want to be that creepy 65 year old man who’s still chasing after 3-4 women?

There's a great deal of insight in the above quote and it raises some deeper questions. Indeed, what is the point of having a choice if you never actually choose? I got into this game to have more options with women, yet it's very easy to get so caught up in the chase that I forgot that my goal was achieved long ago. That's why it's important to be crystal clear in what you want. Otherwise, even if you succeed, you won't realize it and you'll remain dissatisfied and unhappy.

I exercised my choice last night when I dropped one of my girlfriends. Actually, given my limited time, I only have two and removing her will leave me down to one.

*GASP!* What do I do now?! What if...what if...it doesn't work out? What if things go sour and I want out? What if...I get hurt? What if...I won't be able to get somebody else? Those very worries are why I had to learn game in the first place. What most guys call "getting good with women," I call "overcoming your insecurities."

From my last LR, a double-header, you'll remember that one of women is sexually inexperienced while the other one is a sexual savant. After test-driving each one for a month and a half or so, I see that I'm teaching sex lessons to the former and having seizure-like orgasms with the latter. Given the two scenarios, this professor is done with class and is embarking on a sexual sabbatical...exploring new angles, new scenarios, and new settings. If I spend some of my limited time with a sexually ravenous woman and having awesome sex with her and then, I deflect some of that time to spend it with another woman who's sexually ho hum, who's the fool here?! I felt like Saul on the way to Damascus: it was a moment of incredible clarity and power. So, last night I called her up and with much sensitivity, I dropped her like she's haaaawt!

The lesson: continually reevaluate why you're in this game and what you need to make you happy. For me, awesome sex with a nurturing, caring woman does it for me. Having her cook me a wonderful meal and then ask me for a threesome is a beautiful thing.

So, for now, I have one girlfriend and I'm looking for a girl willing to have a threesome with us. That sounds like an excellent goal for the Spring.

-The D