Just When I Think I'm Out...

They pull me back in! Well, not quite. I still get questions from you guys and when I get one that is a great addition to the education on this blog, I'll definitely post it with an answer. So, without further ado:

Hey Dicknotist,

I know you shut down your blog but i figured I'd take you up on your offer and get you to answer a question :)

I met this girl at a kegger and kino'ed her hard, at one point i pulled her waist into mine so they we touched at the pelvic bones.

We got separated after the kegger and we txted but never meet up again that day. A bit less then a week later i called her and we set up a meet to go for bubble tea. I picked her up took her out and once there we went into some deep eye contact, I moved over so i would be close to her and then start to kino her wrist where she had a friendship bracelet. (I'm going to give you credit for this one :) ) I caught her glancing at my lips so then i got talking about guitar hero and i took her back to my place to play it, after facing some resistance. Once there we played for a bit and i got her up to my room to listen to some music. After some more talking while sitting on my bed, i said that her bare feet must be cold so i took them and put them over my lap. I knew she wanted to kiss so i pick her up and put her on my lap, she then knocked her head against mine and started to make out with me. (This was great first time i had ever brought a girl home with this result:) ). Anyway after that she put up some resistance and said she should be going home soon (for an 830 class - it was 1120 at the time). I threw her on the bed and i start to explore her chest and neck- she liked it. But she said that she must be going and i felt obligated to get her home to get up early :S

Anyway i called her like a half a week later, we talked and i said that we should get together but she they she is going to be really busy in the next two weeks with exams but after she will have a break. She also says then that she doesn't see us going anywhere and she doesn't want to give me the wrong impression but we can still hang out...

What do you think? Is it a lost cause..
Thanks
Matt

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what good game looks like. It's not flashy. It's not fancy. It's just solid. Pretty soon, scenarios like this will become so common, you'll get bored and sick of it, but that day won't come until you learn how to close consistently.

The answer to your question is no. It's not a lost cause, but it's not good that you didn't escalate all the way. When she says she doesn't see it going anywhere but you two can still hang out, she's basically saying she's not looking for something serious right now...or not looking for something serious with you. If you just want a booty call, you're good. If you're looking for a traditional girlfriend, I have bad news for you. You've been put in the player category and it's a bitch to get out of it. You can hook her if you're unusually good in bed and shape her well after each act, but it'll take some work.

I threw her on the bed and i start to explore her chest and neck- she liked it. But she said that she must be going and I felt obligated to get her home to get up early :S

You felt obligated to get her home early? I call bullshit. I believe you genuinely think that is why you relented, but there's an inner game issue behind all of this. You see, "backwards rationalization" goes both ways. Gurus teach us that women make emotional decisions and then make up reasons later to justify those decisions. That is true but what they neglect to mention is that guys do it too - and we're better at it. Since many of us are unaware of our emotions, we are unaware that those same emotions we're ignoring are actually running us.

Some emotion was flowing through your body at that moment that made you back down. Perhaps it was a fear of offending her or not performing well. Perhaps it was sadness because you interpreted her wanting to leave as a rejection. Maybe it was something else. The point is you have to dig deeper and figure out what you were feeling in that moment. If you're really struggling, recall what you were thinking about in that moment and figure out the emotion behind those thoughts.

What would I have done? Clearly, some of her resistance was from her not feeling comfortable being alone with you so soon. What I'd do next depends on my end goal. If I'm looking for a potential girlfriend, I probably would've slowed things down and escalated emotionally. You want her to be totally comfortable with you at all times. However, if I just wanted quick sex, I would've done what you did: continue kino escalation while getting her in isolation. The only difference is, I would've been more aggressive.

Go caveman! You did some of this by tossing her on the bed. From there, as you were kissing her and exploring her body, I would've started kissed her cheek, breathed into her ear, and whispered, "take off your pants" with authority. Also effective is looking deeply into her eyes and telling her to take 'em off. That would've been that. If she truly liked it when you tossed her on the bed, she would've been turned on even more by your taking charge. Women just love to be taken! They masturbate to that fantasy on a regular basis. You can truly be the man of her dreams...by fulfilling one of her dreams.

Let me know how this ends up.

Good luck!

-The Dicknotist